Tuesday, March 3, 2009

a break

Lookie here...March 3 and I skipped yesterday. :)
I guess I will GIVE myself a break!
Life is so full and, well, busy, with 3 little girls,
with homeschooling,
with chasing a 1 and a half year old,
with taking the 11 and 9 year olds to:
piano, swimming, babysitting a friend's kids,
and celebrating a dear 3 year old's birthday.
Oh...and don't forget the daily walking of our neighbor's dog,
laundry, meals, dishes, and just the general STUFF that
fills up a regular day.
Yesterday was quite full!
Today I really was thinking about what I would give myself.

Yesterday, I wanted to give myself a break. (not in the best sense of the word.)
I was ready to quit.
I wondered why I should subject these darling girls of mine
to the mood swings, hormonal shifts and general sense of being overwhelmed....of their Mommy. Seriously, can this really be good for any of us?
I thought that it would be in their best interest (and mine) to get a break from it all.
Then, reality set in.
My oldest will be in middle school next year. (I realized that as I drove by the local public school....sort of the shock that I needed to get me out of my daydream of said "break".)
I couldn't see myself sending my baby (I know...she's 11!) off to middle school. Sweet, tender, compassionate girl. What would become of her?!
The break I thought would be so great....for them and me....turned into a bit of a heartbreak when I thought about it.
I would feel horribly guilty, full of regret and sad.
I don't think I'd be getting much of a break at all.
I look at how we homeschool and how some days go and I get really down on myself.
These girls are soooo capable!
They are smart, intelligent and creative.
Some days we just get enough done to check off a box and call it school.
Those days are actually filled with learning of LOTS of other kinds...yet, I tend to be really hard on myself.
We spend so much time talking about character, about life lessons, about faith, about problem-solving, friends, family and God's will.
Those are not things that can be checked off of any "To-Do List" that I currently have.
Other days, like yesterday, we get every school subject done. I can be a bit of a task master. I can order these girls around with the best drill sargent imaginable. The subjects are covered, but what did I really teach them?
Uh oh....I feel the lump in my throat swelling.
I am afraid I taught them that emotions can be the boss of me.
That they sometimes have to walk on egg shells with their Mommy because you never know when she's going to blow.
I taught them that when they argue with me over which Math problems to complete, Mommy may very well turn that into a 10 minute lecture on respect (that probably was heard, "blah, blah, blah).
I, frankly, had a really hard morning yesterday.....and I want to berrate myself for it.
However....I must say that this story has a happy ending!
The single most important thing that I hope that I taught my girls yesterday is that God gives grace to the humble.
That we are never too old (or in too important of a position...ie...Mom, teacher)
to ask for forgiveness, to humble ourselves, and to change course mid-stream.
My day....and subsequently their day....started off pretty rough.
Through the power of God's Word (which I ran to), and through prayer, our day quickly did a 180!!!
We were able to enjoy each other's company.
We were able to laugh together, and we all had some wrongs to admit.
I know I'm sort of rambling on and on here...but I think you get the point.
Sometimes the break I need to give myself is just a break....I can not be perfect. I can not do everything....but, I also don't need to quit or give up when the going gets rough.
That is bound to happen again.....in fact, I guarantee it....I've been homeschooling for 6 years and it certainly has happened in the past. However, yesterday felt different. In a good way.
Today, I'm giving myself a break.
I will blow it, like yesterday.
I will want a break (from all humans on the planet.)
And I will pick myself back up and start again.
Thank the Lord for Lamentations 3:21-23...."Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love it! Isn't that the nicest thing we can give for everyone involved. Grace- a break- acceptance- whatever it is called it always feels like a safe hug in a warm familiar blanket!!!