A Work In Progress

When Kourtney was a little girl, a man came up to me and started yelling at me because I had accidentally tapped his car with mine.  We were parked, but I tapped him when I took my foot off the brake.  There was no damage done, I was fully in the wrong and truly sorry, but the guy was clearly upset.  After he yelled obscenities at me and walked away, my three year old stared at me, sobbing, and cried, “I didn’t know bad guys were real!” 

We have quoted that often as the girls have been growing up.  It is always a harsh and disappointing reality to come to grips with the fact that there are really bad guys in this world. I have had that quote go through my head a couple times over the past week while interacting with others. Not that these people have been “bad guys,” but I have just found myself discouraged in the knowledge that not everyone is easy to deal with.

That is not new information. I know that I, myself, am not always easy to deal with. I find myself getting my feelings hurt too easily, feeling overwhelmed daily, and wanting to just slip away, unnoticed, from even the smallest of conflicts or challenges. However, there is a greater part of me that wants to grow. Sure, people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say. Sometimes I am misunderstood and don’t feel known at all.  The question is how can I grow in those moments?

I spend a fair amount of time listening to podcasts, sermons, and in the Bible app on my phone. I listen to worship music and genuinely long to grow more and more like Jesus.  Yet, when I’m faced with difficult relational issues, I have a long way to go. Let’s just say there is lots of room for improvement. Focusing on that fact can cause me to feel so discouraged that I just want to withdraw and avoid people altogether. Obviously, that is not the answer. I’m asking God today to help me. Help me to grow. Help me to be different. Help me to reflect Jesus so that others leave my presence knowing and seeing Him more.

I'd love to get feedback on practical ways you've learned to manage tricky relationships in your lives and see authentic growth in your own lives. Anyone?

Jacklyn's Story

I prayed for a third child for about five years.  Jeff was a college student and thought we’d be wise to wait until he graduated.  I became pregnant in October of 2006.  I was so happy, yet also riddled with fear of losing this baby for some reason.  All was healthy and fine.  However, around 20 weeks, I began having some complications with my pregnancy. These lasted for 10 weeks.  Finally, around 30 weeks, I was doing better.  Fear had somewhat subsided and I just couldn’t wait to meet my little girl!

On her due date, June 27, 2007, my beautiful Jacklyn Frances Adelaide Herring was born.  7 pounds, 8 ounces.  We were all so excited to meet her and couldn’t wait to bring her home and experience life together as a family of five.  Her big sisters, Kourtney (9) and Maggi (7) were excited to help with whatever their baby sister needed.  They just wanted to get their hands on her!

Just after I had signed the discharge papers to leave the hospital, with the whole family in the room, I looked down at Jacklyn because she had suddenly gotten very still.  To my horror, her entire body had turned blue!  I screamed for a nurse and the next thing I knew, three nurses were in the room.  One of them grabbed her out of my arms, turned her somewhat upside down and was rubbing Jacklyn’s back.  The color came back to her and she started crying.  They whisked her away and left us all crying and wondering what was going on.

I can’t remember how long it was or what happened between that moment and when I got to see her again.  The doctor said she had some sort of infection in her blood and they would need to keep her in the hospital, on antibiotics, for several days.  It was terrifying!  The girls were devastated, not only because they didn’t get to bring their baby sister home that day, but because they would not be allowed to go into the NICU. 

Jeff’s parents came down to stay with the girls and helped us out in so many ways.  They were lifesavers.  I was permitted to stay at the hospital as a “Boarder Mom.”  (That title always made me feel like a dog, reminded me of Border Collie.)  I was called into the NICU by the nurses about every hour and a half, around the clock, to feed my little Jacklyn.  One of the nurses nicknamed her “Zero to Sixty”, saying that she would be sound asleep or just quietly laying there and then suddenly start screaming her head off.

She managed to chunk up and gain weight in those five days in the NICU.  Her infection went away and they finally sent us home on July 2, 2007.  It was a very scary journey.  We never knew exactly what caused the infection.  We were just so glad she responded so well to the medication and that if it was going to happen, that it happened while we were still at the hospital.

We are so thankful for the gift of Jacklyn’s life.  She has been such a blessing to us all!

You're Worth It

"The guacamole is going to cost extra,"  the worker at Chipotle says that every single time.  Every single time, I have the same reply, "It's worth it!"  An extra shot at Starbucks costs a little extra.  If I'm feeling particularly sluggish, I'd be quick to say that it's worth it.  Staying up late, not getting enough sleep, because I'm hanging out with my family?  Totally worth it! I love my sleep, but I love my family more.

A while back, a sweet friend blessed my family and me with a gift.  Overwhelmed with gratitude, I sent her a "thank you so much!" text the following day (after thanking her in person of course!)  In response to my text, she sent one that said, "You're kinda worth it."  For some reason, that simple text brought quick tears to my eyes.  I've thought about it several times since then.

I've got three beautiful daughters.  I always pray that they will know their worth.  I want them to live life confidently in the knowledge and security of how valuable they are.  I want them to never doubt it for a second.  Yet, sometimes I think I forget myself.

I'll pay extra for guacamole.  I'll save up for the better shoes, or jeans or whatever.  I will forfeit housework or other activities when family or dear friends are in town.  They are worth it.  These are small sacrifices, but I think you're getting my point.

As I read through God's Word, it tells me time and time again that God thinks I'm worth it, too.  YOU are worth it.  John 3:16 is a verse that is so often read, quoted and memorized.  I just hope it hasn't lost its impact on us.  We give more for those things that we consider "worth it."

God gave His everything, his only son, for us!  There is no deeper love, no greater sacrifice than that!  In John 15:13, it says, "Greater love has no one than this:  than to lay down one's life for one's friends."   Let that soak in for a minute and Hear Him say, "You're worth it!"

Wall-Builder

I have been reading through Nehemiah lately.  Good stuff.  I am sure many people who read Nehemiah find a way to relate it to their own lives, and that’s exactly what I have been doing. 

Nehemiah learns that the walls of Jerusalem, his home town, have been broken down.  He prays and with God’s direction, goes to Jerusalem with a group of faithful friends, to repair the broken walls. 

Even before he started building, there were people who doubted, discouraged and tried to stop him.  However, Nehemiah stayed on task.

Life can be daunting.  God has each one of us on a specific track.  He really, truly does have a plan for our life (Jeremiah 29:11.)  He wants good for us.  He wants to prosper us and not harm us.  Each one of us has a HOPE and a FUTURE.  So, it’s no wonder that the enemy of our soul tries to sneak in with doubt, discouragement and opposition.

I happen to really struggle with certain math concepts.  I’d love to say that is the only thing in life I struggle with….but, that is certainly not the case.  It is, however, what bummed me out yesterday.

My 15 year old was in need of help with her geometry.  I was looking through the teacher’s solution guide to try to give her some clues.  However, NONE of it made a drop of sense to me and the more I tried to “help,” the worse it got.

Thankfully, Kourtney was patient with me.  I seriously had no clue what any of it meant.  This is why her Geometry teacher lives inside the computer (online class)….and I don’t personally try to teach this subject.  She plowed through, figured it out, and her brilliant Dad helped her when he got home. 

I, on the other hand, started to go down a very negative path in my head.  I began believing the lies of the enemy hook, line and sinker.  You know what I’m talking about.  The doubt, the discouragement, the thoughts that would make me want to stop doing the job that God has called me to do.  It wasn’t just about my lack of Geometry-understanding.  I felt attacked in every aspect of who I am. Every single aspect.

Nehemiah experienced the same thing.  Sanballat, Tobiah and their cronies all started attacking Nehemiah and the faithful wall-builders.  When discouragement didn’t stop them, their enemies began physically attacking them.  Nehemiah and the men with him literally had to build the wall with one hand on the wall and the other hand fighting off the bad guys with spears and shields, bows and armor. (Neh. 4:16)

I guess I’m always aware of the fact that a godly life will bring about opposition.  Maybe I just forget that homeschooling and raising up godly children is a whole lot like building walls.  These incredible daughters that God has entrusted Jeff and me with are a big threat to the enemy.  The naysayer in my head would love nothing more than for me to stop building these girls up….for me to believe that I am too dumb, unorganized, incompetent, etc.  If I stop doing the job God called me to do, then wouldn’t that make Satan so happy?  I can just see him doing a victory dance.

I’m so thankful for God’s reminder that what I am doing really does matter.  I need to keep one hand on the wall and the other hand wielding my sword, which is God’s Word.  I have to defend what God has put on my heart to do and brace myself with truth!

 

Blessed are you, God of Israel, our father from of old and forever.

To you, O God, belong the greatness and the might,

The glory, the victory, the majesty, the splendor;

Yes! Everything in heaven, everything on earth;

The kingdom all yours! You’ve raised yourself high over all.

Riches and glory come from you,

You’re ruler over all;

You hold strength and power in the palm of your hand

To build up and strengthen all.

And here we are, O God, our God, giving thanks to you.

Praising your splendid Name.

 

I Chronicles 29:11-13 (MSG)

I lay my requests before Him

In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you

and wait expectantly.

 

Psalm 5:3

When I came to the Lord this morning, my heart was full.  It was full of thanks and it was full of the cares of my little life.  I'm so thankful that He hears my voice and that when I lay my requests before Him, I can wait expectantly. 

Our Loving Father always answers prayer. Always.

My request this morning is for more of Him. He constantly fills me.  I know I would be a mess without Him. I just long for more.  I am so much more content, joyful, peaceful and truly myself when I am in His presence.  This worry?  This stress?  That's not really me.  That's the counterfeit.  The real me is calm and still in His presence. The real me is jumping up and down excited over the miracles He performs.  The big and the small miracles. I love gleaning from His Word and making new life applications of the revelations He has given me.

I delight in the words of Psalm 5:3.  I can wait expectantly as I lay my requests before Him.

The beautiful Ann Voskamp wrote these amazing words that have just stuck with me: "Waiting is just a gift of time in disguise - a time to pray wrapped up in a ribbon of patience - because is the Lord ever late?"

As I seek Him in all things....in decision-making, in homeschooling, in activities, in life.....I can just relax.  I can remember that any waiting I have to do is really a gift.  I am allowed an opportunity to grow in patience and to spend that time....more and more time....in prayer.

Prayer is just talking to my Father. Prayer is more of Him. Constant communion.  What a win-win!

eternity driven

I woke up today with a longing to just scoop up my daughters and hold them.  I want to just look them deep in the eyes and study them.  Memorize who they are right now, today. I have been paying attention lately to how big they're getting.  Oh, how I enjoy them!  Of course there are the moments (hours, days) of struggle.  We are human.  We blow it.  We have selfish natures.  However, these girls of mine are delightful. 
We just moved into a new home.  We were in Marina for 9+ years.  CSUMB campus housing was our way of life.  Eating in the Dining Commons, participating in community wide programs and going for glorious walks on the oak tree-lined trails.
In August, we relocated to Castroville.  It was just going to be a month or two, staying at our dear friends' church.  The loft above the church office and gym was huge!  We made it our cozy home for 7 months.  The laughter and bonding that took place there was fantastic!  We grew closer to each other as well as to the wonderful Coffelt family who hosted us.  Oh, how we will miss seeing them every day!
Now, as we are creating a new home, I find that it is more work than I remember.  I tend to want things done completely, perfectly and NOW.  Not a very charming trait for a mama.  I have barked a few orders here and there, "Do your school work."  "Clean up this mess!"  "We won't get settled until everyone helps out around here."  It hasn't been pretty.  I have also had some good laughs with my girls, but I noticed that I seem to have set a deadline for when we should have everything out of boxes and that deadline has come and gone.  Why do I do things like that to myself?  We JUST moved in, I need to give myself some grace.
So, today, I woke up extra early.  I had a wonderful time in the Word and, oddly enough, God brought me to two separate verses with the very same theme.  He is like that.
2 Corinthians 4:18, "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal."  Oh yeah.  Hmmm....the verse behind my whole "Eternity Driven" name here at this blog.  Too often I need these kind of reminders.
The second verse was Colossians 3:2-3, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." 
When my oldest daughter, now a beautiful 14-year-old, was just a baby, my sister-in-law gave me a wonderful gift.  It is a framed picture with an important message for me to remember.  It goes something like this: "Cleaning and scrubbing (and unpacking boxes) can wait 'til tomorrow For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow, So quiet down cobwebs and dust go to sleep I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."
So, today, hopefully every day, I am going to purpose to remember what really matters.  The stuff will all get done eventually.  Loving this precious family of mine needs to be my top priority.  Truly, it is. Sometimes I just need the reminder.

could there be anything sweeter?

Look what I found in my room yesterday.

She was "getting more faith"

She found a scripture she wanted to copy down on paper

Could there be anything sweeter?

"I will praise you O Lord with all my heart."