Tuesday, June 24, 2008

blogger's block? maybe not.

Well, I'm here. I have so very much on my mind, yet can't seem to find the exact words to articulate them. I think I'm suffering from blogger's block. I feel things so deeply that sometimes I am overcome with emotion.
Jenny moving to Minnesota is one of those times for me. My schedule has been super busy (just like yours, I'm sure!) and I've been running here and there, trying not to think much about the reality of her moving.
Michelle just created the greatest sister/cousin time ever for all of us! We had cousin camp at her house a week ago and that's where I'm allowing my thoughts to dwell.
It was awesome. We spent a lot of very meaningful time together. Fun is inevitable when we're all together, but cousin camp was even more deliberate than usual. We had a schedule, a menu, and we all knew that this was the last time we'd get to do something like that while the Swansons are still living in California. (uh oh, the tears have started.) Our only regret (and I think Michelle and Jenny would say this, too) is that we haven't done things like that more often.
Sunday, we all celebrated little Jacklyn's first birthday together. It meant so much to me that they drove all the way down to my house so soon after we were all just together. Gas prices are ridiculous, but family time is priceless and worth it all. It was a blast! Man, I love my sisters and their families!
In addition to this, Jeff has been hired to teach next year in Watsonville as a 4th grade teacher. I am so very proud of him and excited for him. At long last, a dream realized! He will get to sleep like a normal human being, and not have the early morning hours of a bread man. Along with this job, however, comes a brand new budget. I haven't even sat down with him to discuss this fully, but I know there is some underlying stress there for us both. Life is good. We are sooo blessed to be able to homeschool the girls, to have them in piano and in swimming. We eat out when we want, we buy brand name foods at the grocery store (like Lucky Charms rather than Marshmallow Mateys), and we drive all over the place (again with the gas prices!) God has been so good to us and I think I've become a little too comfortable with all the little extras. Change is definitely coming to our pocketbook and I feel a bit nervous. Will I still get to stay home and homeschool? What about piano and swimming? God knows how every detail will work out....but, I'm just saying....it is causing me some stress.
Another item of note on my list is how fast my little girls are growing!! Kourtney is 10, Maggie is 8 and Jacklyn will be ONE this week!! Enough to make this little Mommy get emotional over here!
Kourtney is such a lovely young lady. What an old fashioned description, but....she is! I love the way she cares for others, the amazing way her mind works and how much fun it is to have conversations with her!
Maggie is the one I am most seeing change in. My little Mags isn't so little any more. She is really getting to be an older girl, yet, in my mind, she is still that spunky little thing that would both shock and embarrass me with every other comment! She has developed such a sweetness about her. She really is a nurturer and loves to help take care of Jacklyn. She thrives on one-on-one time with Mommy or Daddy and still makes us laugh.
And then there is little Cha Cha. My funny baby is such a blessing! I think of the years I longed for her. I think about the scary pregnancy. I think of those first days in the NICU and the first months I lived in such anxiety. She has become such a natural part of our lives now, that it's hard to remember what it was like without her. I love her little voice, her cheery, "HI!" and her cute little fat feet!
Truly, I am blessed in my life. Michelle and Jenny are fantastic sisters. Their families enrich my life in so many ways. Jeff is an incredible husband and Daddy and I thank the Lord for his provision and blessings....and my girls...ah, my girls! God outdid himself there. I don't deserve the joy that they bring me and I am so very grateful.
I guess writing this has helped me think things through a bit. I am still emotional over here, but I am, above all, grateful. I'm thankful that I can bring each of my concerns and emotions before the throne of grace and lay it at His feet. He is so good.....all the time!
Guess I don't have blogger's block after all. Thanks for reading.


jenny said...

You're welcome... for reading, that is! It was super fun last week, and then last weekend! And next week! I enjoy reading your thoughts... keep blogging!

eternity driven said...

thank you, jen! that means a lot. i love you!!

MichelleMarie said...

Here is the song going through my mind. If you remember it, sing it with me "He didn't bring us this far to leave us. He didn't teach us to swim just to let us drown. He didnt' build a home in us just to move away. He didn't lift us up just to let us down"
I had tears in my eyes as I read your blog, filled with the wonder of blessings and the scariness of the unknown ahead of us. But, Marshmallow Mateys might even bring out the pirate in ya, who knows? arrrrr ;)
I love you my sista!
You are a blessing and a half and I adore you

eternity driven said...

oh, thank you so much, michelle!! i needed the reminder of that song right now. i love you sooo much!!