sleep

wow! can anyone tell me what it is like to sleep through the night? honestly, i don't think i can remember. 2 nights ago, the little darlin of mine was up 'til 10:30 pm, then woke from 1:00 am til 3:00 am. last night was muuuuch better. she only woke up a few times and went right back to sleep. i am surviving, but...yikes! i think i need to take some sort of extreme measure (like buying ear plugs) just to make it! thank the lord for caffeine!!

we did it!

So, after years of accumulating junk (which, of course, never seems like junk when you're accumulating it!) WE CLEANED OUT OUR DREADED GARAGE!! What an all-day task it was.
Jeff and Maggie were buddies all day. He mentioned something to her about this colossal task being a memory that they'd look back on one day. Man, did she run with that! She was his little sidekick all day. We looked through boxes, sorted through piles and threw away a ton of stuff. Maggie loved hearing Daddy's stories of when he was younger and she was on top of the world all day long.
Kourtney took on the role of babysitter and did such a fantastic job!She is so very nurturing and Jacklyn just loves her to pieces! They built a fort in the house, they played with toys and Kourtney even had Jacklyn almost asleep! While Jacklyn did sleep, Kourtney worked hard at organizing (her specialty) and enjoyed old photos with Mags.
We have fantastic girls and we not only got a huge project checked of the "To Do" list....we had fun doing it! Yippee!!!

Love….the Risky Business

• Read 1 Corinthians 13
Wow, so love is not rude, not easily angered, not self-seeking, keeps no record of wrongs, etc. Yikes. I can be rude, self-seeking and sometimes way too easily angered. How can I learn to love like the love described here? Obviously, the answer is with God, but I want to dig a little deeper.

• The 4 types of love
In English we have one word for it, “love.” In the Greek, there are 4 different words that describe love and each has a different meaning or characteristic. Let’s touch on these.

1. Storge or affection. This one is also known as SECURITY LOVE:
This love is the love that everybody needs to survive. It is that feeling of being cared for and nurtured. Some people would describe this as the type of love parents have for their children. It can be very self-sacrificing, however it isn’t perfect love. Without Christ, it can be a very selfish love. This love is a familiar love. Sometimes we forget to use good manners with those we love and live with. It’s the old idea of “Familiarity breeds contempt”. That is a weakness that will come out unless guarded against. ALSO, we see with storge that caring for a helpless child is delightful, but once we are no longer needed or necessary, it becomes a hardship or a place where bitterness can creep in. Ultimately, this is not a kind of love that seeks the good of others, but our own good.

2. Phileo or friendship. This one is also known as BROTHERLY LOVE: For many of us, this is the easiest of the loves. We enjoy our time with friends. This is a very broad term. You can have storge love as well as phileo love for family members. For example, when your child grows up, the storge love remains but phileo love also develops. You share common interests and your child becomes your friend. We see that in John 15:13, where it says, “Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for his friend.” Phileo love is a wonderful love, but still is not a perfect love. Sometimes we have friends who fill a void in our life: cause us to feel useful, loved, or brings companionship so that we aren’t lonely. Often we seek friends to meet a need. That is not bad, in and of itself, but it isn’t the perfect, selfless love of agape (which we’ll get to in a minute.)

3. Eros or passionate love. This one is also known as PHYSICAL LOVE: This is the love most of us dream of when we’re growing up. The Fairy Tale, gushy feelings that end with “Happily Ever After” and usually involve a great dress! :) Or at least that is how I view it. Eros seems to be a very self-sacrificing love. What prince in a love story wouldn’t risk his life or slay even slay a dragon for his fair maiden? This love is beautiful and magical and amazing. At first. It is, as C.S. Lewis describes it, in his book The Four Loves, the DIVE that gets us into the water. It is not, however, the water itself.

*I went to a beautiful wedding last weekend. It was up in the trinity mountains near Mt. Shasta. The bride was stunning and her groom, completely goo-goo over her. Someone commented that she better enjoy being a bride today, because tomorrow she’ll wake up and just be a wife.* We laughed at this, but, it really is the nature of eros.

With eros, there is a risk of idolatry. However, it is very feelings-based. We learn over time that falling in love is something that happens to us, but being in love is something we do. We need God to make love last.

SO…how are we to love perfectly, living as imperfect humans?

We are self-protective by nature. “Self” protection is actually an oxy-moron. Only God can protect us and only God’s love is perfect. That brings me to the 4th kind of love.

4. Agape or perfect love. The agape love of God is the love that reaches for the highest good. When you look at a person, no matter what their weaknesses are, no matter what their bad points are, or their good points or their strong points, you always say, “What is the best good I can do for this person?” And God does that. This is the love we’re striving for and this is the love that we are free to receive from the Holy Spirit. It perfects all the other loves.

It is perfectly NATURAL for us to say, “But love is too risky. I must be careful, this may mean suffering.” In the Bible, however, God says nothing about protecting ourselves from earthly loves for fear they should bring us suffering. Again, I’ll quote C.S. Lewis. He says that, “To love anything is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to keep it in tact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. You must carefully wrap it round hobbies and little luxuries and then lock it up in the casket or coffin of your own selfishness.”

We have to believe that God loves us with agape. Once we experience the agape of God, it truly transforms us. It is then that we can obey what God tells us in Matthew 22:36-38. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment and the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Agape is the love that enables us to love like Jesus loves. He loves us into the capability to both receive love (from Him and from others) and then to give love (to Him and to others.) To me, that is the goal. If He tells us that the most important thing, the Greatest Commandment, is to love (Him and then others), I want to learn to do it right.

Recently, I came across a scripture that just jumped off the page. You know the kind. You're just casually reading and then, BAM! It just got to me! The verse was 1 Peter 1:22. It tells us to, “Love one another deeply and from the heart.” I don't know about you, but I tend to think that the deeper I love, the deeper I can hurt. In today's world, we tend to want to love one another shallowly…or at least in a way that will cause us the least pain.

My dear sister Jenny is moving to Minnesota very soon. I love Jenny deeply. This move is a really hard thing for me to have to deal with. Part of me wishes that I could just say, "Who cares? No big deal." and watch her leave. However, I've taken the risk, so to speak, to open my heart up here. I love her so deeply. I feel that way about her whole family. What really kills me is that my kids love her kids so much. There's nothing like that cousin love. It would be so much easier if none of us were close. Maybe it'd be smart to keep our distance over the last few days of their stay here in California. But "easy" isn't the goal. Loving deeply is. I don't want any regrets when they're gone. I want to know that we formed as many great memories as possible. Even though that does make the pain of their leaving even more intense!

What we can learn from agape will teach us to love the way God asks us to; to love perfectly. Not with our heart hidden away in the “coffin” of selfishness (or what we may want to call self-protection).

Agape is completely self-less in nature. It loves everyone, it loves endlessly and it even loves undeservingly. Agape is utterly disassociated from NEED. God created the world out of agape, not out of need. We can be filled to overflowing with agape, and then it will pour from us. We will love others more and need others less. We can take the risk, because we realize there is no risk in loving God. Getting filled up from Him first will cause us to love more freely and recklessly than ever before.


So, the question then becomes “how”? How do I become a person who loves in the idea of Agape?

• We must believe that He loves us 100% (not because of who we are or what we do but because of who HE is!) We’ve got to really let that one sink in….and like I said, once we experience that love, it will truly transform us!
• We need to take the time daily to get filled up with that love. Once we are filled up, we are free to pour out.
• Then, we will love everyone, we will love endlessly and we will love even the undeserving or even harder, those who are different than we are.

fun tradition

What a blessing it is to have great friends!! This year we resumed our anual tradition of celebrating the 4th of July with our dear friends the Swedbergs. Last year, Jacklyn had just come home from the hospital, so we didn't get to go over to their house. It was so much fun yesterday! Great food, great friends and tons of fun!!!

perfume palace

I think an addition to the previous blog is in order here!

Look what my girls have been up to the past 3 days. They have been making perfume like crazy. They gather flowers, mash them up in bowls with water in the back yard and then....to kick it up a notch, I've allowed them to bring the concoction inside, boil it on the stove and really bring out the fragrance. They, along with some friends, have decided to start a perfume business....Perfume Palace. The scents in my home have been unbelievable. The fun they have had is fantastic! You should hear some of the names of their perfumes and colognes! We have Purple Garden (a lovely mixture of lilacs and lavender), Poconut (a hearty blend of pine needles, pine cones mashed up, and coconut), and today...this just in, is Cinnanut (you guessed it....basically Poconut with a hint of lemon pepper (?) and cinnamon.)

Oh the stinks they can stink! :) I mean the great things they can come up with. I love it.

who I used to be

I was thinking today about who I am.
I also thought about who I used to be.
I always had things in order.
I stressed to make sure all of my relationships with everyone
were okay. Didn't want anyone mad at me.
I had my house as clean as possible at all times.
Sickly, sadly, I took great pride in that.
I loved brand name clothes, shoes, bags, etc.
I didn't always have them, but I loved them.
I knew what was going on in the lives of celebrities.
I was up on the latest TV shows and movies.
I had uninterrupted sleep at night.
I could go on and on.

Now, however, it's an entirely different story.
We could start with the uninterrupted night of sleep.
That would be better than winning the lottery at this point.
I think.
Well, okay, maybe not. I do love seeing cute little Jacklyn
even in the wee hours of the morning.
But just one time a night would be nice.
These days, I rarely have things in order.
Namely my thoughts.
My house is FAR from being always clean.
It isn't quite to the "call the health department" status,
but....some days I don't think I'm that far off.
Trust me. You just haven't been over on those days.
I still don't want folks mad at me, but I can't even
return phone calls or emails. Where does the time go?
I have great intentions!
I could care less about brand names and movie stars.
I can tell you that Camp Rock was just on the Disney Channel.
I do love Jon & Kate plus 8.
Other than that, I'm somewhat out of touch.
Today my dad called to see if we were evacuated because of the fires.
Why should my dad, who lives in Florida, have to call to tell me
late-breaking news in my area? Sheesh!
(We have not been evacuated, btw)

What I see is that I have changed quite a great deal.
Not so sure that's a bad thing.
My priorities have shifted.
I remember starting this school year with the girls,
knowing it would be hard with a new baby,
and I just changed my focus.
My goal each day was to tend to my baby and
have a good day of home school.
We did it!
Okay, not every day was good, but it was number one
on the priority list.
It trumped dishes, laundry, and sometimes even my shower.
Who would've ever guessed that I'd be this person?
Aspects of me drive me crazy. It's hard to live with me.
However, sometimes, like today, when I realize that I'm kinda nice...
I really do love my family more than anything on the planet,
I really do find great contentment in God's will,
helps me to like who I am.
Trust me....I could list for days the things I don't like about me.
But, this was sort of cool. I like that God and my family
are my number one priority.
I like loving them.
When it's all said and done, that's what is going to matter.
Just that.

blogger's block? maybe not.

Well, I'm here. I have so very much on my mind, yet can't seem to find the exact words to articulate them. I think I'm suffering from blogger's block. I feel things so deeply that sometimes I am overcome with emotion.
Jenny moving to Minnesota is one of those times for me. My schedule has been super busy (just like yours, I'm sure!) and I've been running here and there, trying not to think much about the reality of her moving.
Michelle just created the greatest sister/cousin time ever for all of us! We had cousin camp at her house a week ago and that's where I'm allowing my thoughts to dwell.
It was awesome. We spent a lot of very meaningful time together. Fun is inevitable when we're all together, but cousin camp was even more deliberate than usual. We had a schedule, a menu, and we all knew that this was the last time we'd get to do something like that while the Swansons are still living in California. (uh oh, the tears have started.) Our only regret (and I think Michelle and Jenny would say this, too) is that we haven't done things like that more often.
Sunday, we all celebrated little Jacklyn's first birthday together. It meant so much to me that they drove all the way down to my house so soon after we were all just together. Gas prices are ridiculous, but family time is priceless and worth it all. It was a blast! Man, I love my sisters and their families!
In addition to this, Jeff has been hired to teach next year in Watsonville as a 4th grade teacher. I am so very proud of him and excited for him. At long last, a dream realized! He will get to sleep like a normal human being, and not have the early morning hours of a bread man. Along with this job, however, comes a brand new budget. I haven't even sat down with him to discuss this fully, but I know there is some underlying stress there for us both. Life is good. We are sooo blessed to be able to homeschool the girls, to have them in piano and in swimming. We eat out when we want, we buy brand name foods at the grocery store (like Lucky Charms rather than Marshmallow Mateys), and we drive all over the place (again with the gas prices!) God has been so good to us and I think I've become a little too comfortable with all the little extras. Change is definitely coming to our pocketbook and I feel a bit nervous. Will I still get to stay home and homeschool? What about piano and swimming? God knows how every detail will work out....but, I'm just saying....it is causing me some stress.
Another item of note on my list is how fast my little girls are growing!! Kourtney is 10, Maggie is 8 and Jacklyn will be ONE this week!! Enough to make this little Mommy get emotional over here!
Kourtney is such a lovely young lady. What an old fashioned description, but....she is! I love the way she cares for others, the amazing way her mind works and how much fun it is to have conversations with her!
Maggie is the one I am most seeing change in. My little Mags isn't so little any more. She is really getting to be an older girl, yet, in my mind, she is still that spunky little thing that would both shock and embarrass me with every other comment! She has developed such a sweetness about her. She really is a nurturer and loves to help take care of Jacklyn. She thrives on one-on-one time with Mommy or Daddy and still makes us laugh.
And then there is little Cha Cha. My funny baby is such a blessing! I think of the years I longed for her. I think about the scary pregnancy. I think of those first days in the NICU and the first months I lived in such anxiety. She has become such a natural part of our lives now, that it's hard to remember what it was like without her. I love her little voice, her cheery, "HI!" and her cute little fat feet!
Truly, I am blessed in my life. Michelle and Jenny are fantastic sisters. Their families enrich my life in so many ways. Jeff is an incredible husband and Daddy and I thank the Lord for his provision and blessings....and my girls...ah, my girls! God outdid himself there. I don't deserve the joy that they bring me and I am so very grateful.
I guess writing this has helped me think things through a bit. I am still emotional over here, but I am, above all, grateful. I'm thankful that I can bring each of my concerns and emotions before the throne of grace and lay it at His feet. He is so good.....all the time!
Guess I don't have blogger's block after all. Thanks for reading.