Do you ever wake up just glad that the previous day is behind you, for crying out loud? Sheesh, I sure do! Although I woke up several times today, (thank you, teething baby) this morning was wrought with promise. Promise of a brand new, shiny morning where I can relax, get in the Word and exhale some of my stress from yesterday.
What was I thinking, scheduling a hair appointment right exactly at Jacklyn's nap time? Oh, not just any old day...but on a Wednesday. Wednesdays are crazy enough for me. We drive into Watsonville for Enrichment Day and then stick around until after church at night....around 9:00 p.m. We arrived at the hair appointment EARLY by the way. As I was sitting, getting gorgeous (is that a stretch?)I could hear my wonderful big girls playing nicely with Jacklyn AND getting school work done. It was perfect. Well, perfect with one bump....right on Jacklyn's cheek. She recovered quickly from a little spill and didn't even need Mommy kisses.
Next, we were off to drive around, eat our lunch (that I packed) and listen to a book on CD while Jacklyn sweetly drifted off to dreamland. Hmm....that one didn't work. She was awake and didn't show any signs of falling asleep. That's when my internal stress began.
Why oh why can't I just relax?? I was thinking, "Oh my! She needs to sleep. She has to sleep! We'll be in Watsonville all day and if she doesn't sleep, she'll be miserable. She'll be up all night because she'll be over tired. I'm such a bad Mommy. What was I doing, putting my hair needs above her sleeping needs?" You know what I'm sayin'....I was stressing myself out AND being mean to myself all at the same time.
The day was so beautiful and sunny. Really a perfect weather day. Why didn't I just take a nice deep breath and enjoy the sunshine? Instead, I continued on a very icky downward spiral in my head. I have a new little "job" to do at Enrichment Day and I allowed that to stress me out. Jacklyn was a cutie pie and not grumpy at all....but I allowed that to stress me out. Jeff was needing our help after school...add to the stress. I continued to self-evaluate and kept thinking, "No one else would make such a big deal about all of this. You're a light-weight. Why can't you handle this? No one else would get so stressed. Some people have real problems of their own to deal with, so don't even think about complaining!" Blah, blah, blah.
The bottom line is that I had a whole bunch (at least for me) going on yesterday and I got stressed out. Adding insult to injury....I was talking awfully mean to myself and at the end of the day had a horrible headache and had picked at my fingers until they were bleeding.
This morning I started Week 3 homework in Beth Moore's Daniel study and she talks about image-building. My goodness was I convicted! I have come to the realization that I want to be seen as much stronger than I really am. I constantly compare myself with others and, in my eyes, come up short. (I'm not just talking about my 5'2" frame.) I want to be strong. I really do. I remember telling someone recently that of all the things I've been called, I don't think "strong" has ever been one of them.
I should rejoice in that though, right? I believe I've read somewhere before that in my weakness HE is made strong. I could use a good strong dose of HIS strength today!! I also need to realize that I have a very real enemy who wants to thwart any and all plans that my Loving and Strong Father has for me. When I say that I was talking mean to myself....I have a hunch I didn't just come up with those thoughts on my own. Boy, if you could've heard me...it was really pathetic. I was a walking defeated woman and wouldn't take even a second to grab someone and ask for prayer. (I want to *look* strong, remember?)
I am so blessed, though. I found out later that my sweet friends who were in Bible study, even prayed for me. Praise God for that. I certainly needed it. And I still do. So, if you took the time to read this....pray for me, please. I'm weak and I admit it. In fact, I'm glad to say it....because I am in great need of HIM and His strength!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
motherhood
It really is interesting to talk with a variety of moms.
I had a discussion the other day with several ladies who were in different seasons of their motherhood. We're talking kids of varying ages, interests and abilities. Yet, each mom had one thing in common: the hope that they were doing it right.
Questions that are common with us moms are, "Am I doing the right thing for their education?" "Is it too much?" "Is it too little?" "What about recreational activities?" "Is this my child's natural gift?" "Should I foster this more?" "Are we too busy?" "How can I ensure that I'm nurturing my child enough to become the person they are intended to be?" "Am I too hands on?" "Am I too hands off?" "What will they be like when they grow up?" "Should they really be exposed to ALL of my flaws...day in and day out?" ...I'm sure you get the gist. I could go on and on. You probably could, too.
Some of those questions are a direct result of us comparing ourselves to others. That is a very dangerous thing to do. How hard to avoid that, though, in such a competitive culture!
As women, we need to support each other, encourage each other and inspire one another to great things. I like to check out other people's blogs. I can get off the computer feeling like a real loser because I'm not as crafty or as patient or as amazing as these people appear....but I needn't do that to myself. The same fears, worries and insecurities I face are most likely the same that every mom faces.
We all want to be the best we can be....as women, as wives and as mothers. We are not perfect and will have times when we come up short. At least short of our own expectations or desires.
A little song made famous by the one and only High School Musical is going through my head right now. "We're all in this together." It's true. I love the support network among moms that is available. I enjoy the knowing smile I get from another Mom when my 1 year old is running amuck at the local book store. It does help to know that we have each other. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and stop worrying if we'll do it perfect or not. We won't. But....the end result will be some incredible children that know how loved and valued they are. I guess that really is the goal after all, isn't it?
I had a discussion the other day with several ladies who were in different seasons of their motherhood. We're talking kids of varying ages, interests and abilities. Yet, each mom had one thing in common: the hope that they were doing it right.
Questions that are common with us moms are, "Am I doing the right thing for their education?" "Is it too much?" "Is it too little?" "What about recreational activities?" "Is this my child's natural gift?" "Should I foster this more?" "Are we too busy?" "How can I ensure that I'm nurturing my child enough to become the person they are intended to be?" "Am I too hands on?" "Am I too hands off?" "What will they be like when they grow up?" "Should they really be exposed to ALL of my flaws...day in and day out?" ...I'm sure you get the gist. I could go on and on. You probably could, too.
Some of those questions are a direct result of us comparing ourselves to others. That is a very dangerous thing to do. How hard to avoid that, though, in such a competitive culture!
As women, we need to support each other, encourage each other and inspire one another to great things. I like to check out other people's blogs. I can get off the computer feeling like a real loser because I'm not as crafty or as patient or as amazing as these people appear....but I needn't do that to myself. The same fears, worries and insecurities I face are most likely the same that every mom faces.
We all want to be the best we can be....as women, as wives and as mothers. We are not perfect and will have times when we come up short. At least short of our own expectations or desires.
A little song made famous by the one and only High School Musical is going through my head right now. "We're all in this together." It's true. I love the support network among moms that is available. I enjoy the knowing smile I get from another Mom when my 1 year old is running amuck at the local book store. It does help to know that we have each other. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and stop worrying if we'll do it perfect or not. We won't. But....the end result will be some incredible children that know how loved and valued they are. I guess that really is the goal after all, isn't it?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
choosing joy
Some days are just hard. I think the more I try to control and the less I bow my knee the harder the day!! Makes sense, doesn't it? So today, I choose joy. I'm surrendering every part of who I am and certainly every second of my future into my Loving Father's hands. He is aware of when, what, how and why.....He doesn't need my help in figuring anything out. I just get all worked up and it doesn't do anybody any good....especially my poor kids who are stuck with me all day.
I'm so grateful that His mercies are new every morning!! I'm also thankful I woke up before anyone else today and can leave this at His feet and move forward. What a mighty God we serve!!
I'm so grateful that His mercies are new every morning!! I'm also thankful I woke up before anyone else today and can leave this at His feet and move forward. What a mighty God we serve!!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
we did it!
NO MORE TEARS at naptime today!!!
not a single one.
yippeee!!
Now, to try it for bedtime.
Eventually.
Not quite ready to tackle that one yet.
I'm so happy!!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
love...revisited
My sister Michelle inspired me the other day. She pulled out her old Beth Moore Bible Study, Living Beyond Yourself. It was a study she hadn't finished a while ago and she decided to pick up where she left off. Well, wouldn't you know it? It was EXACTLY, I mean really....exactly....what she needed for the moment.
I, too, have done that study. I, too, left some gaps in the book, where I never completed my homework. So, I picked it up the other day and....I bet you can finish my sentence! It was exactly what I needed...and currently need! I was in the love chapter. I had done everything except for day 5. Beth talks about our old friend agape. **Remember my post a while ago on love?....if not, you can find it. I don't remember how to link an old post at the moment....I'll have to figure that out later. (sorry!)** Anyway, she tells us that agape is demonstrative. More than simply saying "I love you." More than mere words....love is action...as in, "And God demonstrated His own love for us.....in sending Jesus to die on the cross for our sins" (okay, loosely translated, but you get the jist.)
WORDS tend to be a pretty big deal to me. In The Five Love Languages speak, I'm totally a "words of affirmation" girl! Beth's words reminded me, however, that "words" aren't everyone's thing. My husband is totally "acts of service." (Even though he hates to be labeled!) I need to remember that. Maybe I want to write him a note to tell him that I love him. He'd like it, but perhaps making him a lunch for work (and then putting said note in there) would demonstrate my love more clearly to him.
How do you demonstrate love to those around you? I'm sure there are some great ideas out there....from all 3 of you who read this :)....so, please feel free to share. I'm working on being more demonstrative with my love and I need help!
I, too, have done that study. I, too, left some gaps in the book, where I never completed my homework. So, I picked it up the other day and....I bet you can finish my sentence! It was exactly what I needed...and currently need! I was in the love chapter. I had done everything except for day 5. Beth talks about our old friend agape. **Remember my post a while ago on love?....if not, you can find it. I don't remember how to link an old post at the moment....I'll have to figure that out later. (sorry!)** Anyway, she tells us that agape is demonstrative. More than simply saying "I love you." More than mere words....love is action...as in, "And God demonstrated His own love for us.....in sending Jesus to die on the cross for our sins" (okay, loosely translated, but you get the jist.)
WORDS tend to be a pretty big deal to me. In The Five Love Languages speak, I'm totally a "words of affirmation" girl! Beth's words reminded me, however, that "words" aren't everyone's thing. My husband is totally "acts of service." (Even though he hates to be labeled!) I need to remember that. Maybe I want to write him a note to tell him that I love him. He'd like it, but perhaps making him a lunch for work (and then putting said note in there) would demonstrate my love more clearly to him.
How do you demonstrate love to those around you? I'm sure there are some great ideas out there....from all 3 of you who read this :)....so, please feel free to share. I'm working on being more demonstrative with my love and I need help!
8 seconds
sounds like rodeo, doesn't it?
you know...the cowboys have to
stay on the bucking bronco
for 8 seconds.
Guess what?
My girlie fussed, not even really
a full blown cry,
for a mere 8 seconds today.
what a miracle!
i am thrilled.
had to share it with you!
you know...the cowboys have to
stay on the bucking bronco
for 8 seconds.
Guess what?
My girlie fussed, not even really
a full blown cry,
for a mere 8 seconds today.
what a miracle!
i am thrilled.
had to share it with you!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
could it be??
WOW!! My light at the end of the tunnel wasn't as far away as it had seemed!!
Little Jacklyn has been up so much at night lately, that this sleep-deprived Mama got desperate! I decided that she needed to learn the skill of falling asleep on her own so that perhaps it will aid her with nighttime sleeping. Or waking. You know what I mean. I just want her to stop keeping me up all night....as much as I do love that little punkin.
Last Friday, I started. I put her down for her nap and walked out of the room. 65 minutes, lots of tears (by both of us) and a bunch of feeling awful about it later....she fell asleep. She slept for about 45 minutes, then she was up. She nursed and slept another hour and 15 minutes on the couch. She was tired! It killed me and I didn't try again until this week.
I did it again on Friday. What is it about that day of the week? Perhaps I'm just worn out by then after doing school and our busy schedule that I'm desperate for her to nap well and hopefully sleep well at night. (The night time has been MUCH better, by the way!)Anyway, this Friday, she screamed for about 55 minutes, I kept going in to check on her and reassure her....and she finally fell asleep....standing up! It was sooo pathetic and sad. She had been crying, looking at the bedroom door for me to come in. I was able to lay her down and she only rolled over and went back to sleep. This nap was a whopping 40 minute one!! I got her up and went about with our afternoon as usual. Pretty nuts.
Yesterday, (Saturday) she did the scream/cry/fall asleep standing up thing for a solid hour. I wanted to take a picture of her standing up but was just so afraid she'd wake up that I didn't try it. Bummer, because she woke up each time I went to lay her down anyway.
Well, today Jeff put her down for her nap. She did stand up. She did scream, cry and fall asleep standing up. Or so I thought. This time I decided that I'd click the picture anyway, since she'd wake up when I went to lay her down anyway. Well, I went in when she got quiet, but her eyes were open. I snapped this picture anyway, just to give you the idea....just picture eyes closed instead of the sad, pleading, crying look you see here. Maybe tomorrow I'll get THE shot I was hoping for...but, maybe not.
Why, you ask? Well, because today she fell asleep in only 8 minutes!!!! Praise the Living God!! I couldn't rejoice more that it didn't take as long!!! She napped for a good hour and 15 minutes, too. There truly is a light at the end of this dark, sad tunnel. I'm thrilled and just had to share every detail of it here!!
Little Jacklyn has been up so much at night lately, that this sleep-deprived Mama got desperate! I decided that she needed to learn the skill of falling asleep on her own so that perhaps it will aid her with nighttime sleeping. Or waking. You know what I mean. I just want her to stop keeping me up all night....as much as I do love that little punkin.
Last Friday, I started. I put her down for her nap and walked out of the room. 65 minutes, lots of tears (by both of us) and a bunch of feeling awful about it later....she fell asleep. She slept for about 45 minutes, then she was up. She nursed and slept another hour and 15 minutes on the couch. She was tired! It killed me and I didn't try again until this week.
I did it again on Friday. What is it about that day of the week? Perhaps I'm just worn out by then after doing school and our busy schedule that I'm desperate for her to nap well and hopefully sleep well at night. (The night time has been MUCH better, by the way!)Anyway, this Friday, she screamed for about 55 minutes, I kept going in to check on her and reassure her....and she finally fell asleep....standing up! It was sooo pathetic and sad. She had been crying, looking at the bedroom door for me to come in. I was able to lay her down and she only rolled over and went back to sleep. This nap was a whopping 40 minute one!! I got her up and went about with our afternoon as usual. Pretty nuts.
Yesterday, (Saturday) she did the scream/cry/fall asleep standing up thing for a solid hour. I wanted to take a picture of her standing up but was just so afraid she'd wake up that I didn't try it. Bummer, because she woke up each time I went to lay her down anyway.
Well, today Jeff put her down for her nap. She did stand up. She did scream, cry and fall asleep standing up. Or so I thought. This time I decided that I'd click the picture anyway, since she'd wake up when I went to lay her down anyway. Well, I went in when she got quiet, but her eyes were open. I snapped this picture anyway, just to give you the idea....just picture eyes closed instead of the sad, pleading, crying look you see here. Maybe tomorrow I'll get THE shot I was hoping for...but, maybe not.
Why, you ask? Well, because today she fell asleep in only 8 minutes!!!! Praise the Living God!! I couldn't rejoice more that it didn't take as long!!! She napped for a good hour and 15 minutes, too. There truly is a light at the end of this dark, sad tunnel. I'm thrilled and just had to share every detail of it here!!
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