eternity driven

jumping right in

2012-01-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

I've always been a perfectionist. Not a perfect one, mind you. Just a failing perfectionist that has never allowed herself enough grace.
I'm jumping right into this Joy Dare. I mentioned in yesterday's blog that I have been listing things I'm grateful for since reading One Thousand Gifts back in September. On her blog, Ann Voskamp issued the Joy Dare. List 3 things every day that you are thankful for. Yesterday was the S I X T H day of January. Not day one. However....I'm jumping in....right now. Not going back to day one and starting from number one. Nope! I'm just going to start here. I will list the 3 things from yesterday as well as from today.
Even if that's not the "perfect" way to do it. :)

"one thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart"

this wonderful devotional book that my friend Lori gave me,

yummy cuties,

these amazing kids!

And today, Day 7...3 graces from people you love:

playing Guesstures with my husband and daughters
forgivness, when I said something dumb
listening to Jacklyn, age 4, singing her own worship song to Jesus.

Joy Dare

2012-01-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

"Choosing Joy is a radical decision to honor God by experiencing the depths of God's promises to us. It's desiring Him above all else, rejoicing in His character, and living joyfully, according to His Word."

-Choosing Joy, Angela Thomas

I am excited this morning at the prospect of 2012. I woke up today at 5:30 am (thank you, Gracie dog!) and walked that silly pooch. It was cold and foggy so I kept it short. I came home and poured some coffee. I sat down at the computer, having some guilt that I didn't first sit down with my flashlight and Bible. However, God met me! I clicked on my favorite blog and was so inspired!

Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, is doing a Joy Dare. Each day, list 3 things you are thankful for. It will change your life. I have actually been working on my list....one a day, 10 a day, 5 a day...whatever....since finishing her book in September. I cannot express enough how much I love that book!

There have been days where listing my gifts from God are so easy. The pen keeps flowing, my heart is overwhelmed. There are other days where it just feels like a ritual.

Today, I read (on the same blog) a quote by Aristotle.

We are what we continually do.

That's a pretty powerful statement! So, I guess as long as I'm listing my gifts....I am becoming more and more grateful. That is what I want. Becoming more and more thankful every day will drive out fear, worry, "control", stress and discontentment....along with a host of other unlovely characteristics I see in myself often.

I am expectant.

Please, feel free to join me in this Joy Dare! Ann offers a really cool free printable on her blog that gives you ideas of 3 things each day to list. Today is January 6. She says to list: one thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart.

You can post your list on her website, on her fb page or even on twitter.

Or, you can keep a simple hand-written list in your journal. Whatever you decide, I hope you will join with me.

He deserves all my thanks and it’s impossible to give thanks and simultaneously feel fear.

Ann Voskamp

the thrill of hope

2011-12-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 11:1-2

New Living Translation (NLT)

A Branch from David’s Line

Out of the stump of David’s family[a] will grow a shoot—

yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root.

And the Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—

the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,

the Spirit of counsel and might,

the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.

Did you realize that this passage of scripture in Isaiah is a prophecy concerning the birth of baby Jesus? Perhaps you did. But, what struck me in this particular translation was the word "stump". A shoot will spring up....something fresh and new and full of promise....out of something old.

Can you even imagine life before Christmas? Before the birth of Jesus? Before knowing Jesus?! Wow. So hard for me to wrap my brain around. The prophet didn't even know JESUS. When life is hard, when circumstances are unbearable and I don't know what to do....at least I know I have Jesus. He is hope.

My favorite Christmas carol is "Oh Holy Night" and this year the line, "the thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices" jumped out at me like never before. Oh, the thrill of hope, the thrill of Jesus!

Many of you are facing hard things right now. You may be struggling to find joy or peace in your current circumstances. You need to know that you are not alone and that there is hope.

Romans 15:13 says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Just as God used an illustration of an old stump in the book of Isaiah, out of it, He brought forth new life. And that new life that He was referring to was JESUS! I believe that He is at work now. He can use whatever we are facing right now...He can use the old to bring forth something new. He can bring forth hope and we will see Jesus.

the clouds

2011-11-12T08:14:00.000-08:00

Some days are just hard days. This past Wednesday was a hard one for me. Life just looked overwhelming to me and I couldn't seem to shake it. Nothing huge. Nothing significant. Just a hard day.
That evening, we were driving to church and there was a beautiful, breath-taking sunset. The clouds were all kinds of brilliant colors and the pinkish-orange sky made such a dramatic backdrop.
I was reminded of something I either heard or read once before. I had to share it with my daughters.
I pointed out the amazing sunset and told them to picture it without the clouds.

It would be a very pretty sky but not nearly as awesome without the contrast of colors the clouds provided.
Sometimes we want our life to be cloud-free.
We think a perfect day would be described as, "Not a cloud in the sky."
When in reality, it is the clouds that reflect the brilliance of the sunset.
Rough times in our life reflect God's glory in beautiful ways if we allow Him to shape us into who he wants us to become.
Even when the days are hard, I'm so thankful for the clouds.

What God Said

2011-10-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

The other day, Jacklyn told me that she heard God talking. She told me that when she was sitting next to her Daddy, she heard God in his heart say, "You are doing a good job taking care of your girls."
Ah! I'm sure He is saying that. We are blessed.

sweet peace

2011-10-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

There is something so peaceful about this picture of my girl. I look at it often and smile. Not a worry in the world, not a concern, not a fear....just sweet peace.

I'm asking Him to carry me just like that today. He is so trustworthy, so good and so very loving. I want to rest in my Daddy God's arms and trust in total peace.

(Worry and stress don't seem to help anything anyway.)

He is a Loving Heavenly Father, taking very good care of His children. I am grateful for peace. I am thankful for family, for friends, for adventure and provision.

He is all we need.

Gracious Uncertainty

2011-04-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

I've battled some anxiety lately about our future. Come the end of June, where will we live? Where will Jeff work? If he stays at his current job, and I at mine, how will we make ends meet? What is our "purpose" in life? Should we just leave all of this and go to the mission field? Why, then, did Jeff (and all of us) put in the last (almost) 10 years at CSUMB working on his Masters in Special Education....if that wouldn't even be needed on the mission field? When I say "mission field", where am I even talking about? Just leave? Just escape and serve somewhere? Anywhere? (That idea thrills me to no end....perhaps it's just my little escape plan in my head to get out of the American mindset.)

Anyway, Jeff and I had a great conversation yesterday that put things in proper perspective for me. No, we still don't have a plan for our future. Not an exact plan, anyway. We still aren't sure what is next. However, we do know that God has each and every step all mapped out. We can rest in that. In addition, I am more inspired than ever to walk in all that God has blessed us with. This life we live RIGHT NOW is our mission field. So easy to forget that. So quick to think it is less than significant. In reality, we have 3 beautiful little girls that we are responsible for and there is no more personal mission field than that.

In light of all that has been on my mind lately, it's no wonder Oswald Chambers spoke so clearly to me today. I hope it blesses you, too! Here it is:

Gracious Uncertainty

. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . —1 John 3:2

Our natural inclination is to be so precise—trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next—that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, “Well, what if I were in that circumstance?” We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life—gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God—it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1), not, “Believe certain things about Me”. Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

He cares

2011-03-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful for God. I'm thankful for His Word and thankful that it is true. This morning, while I was reading, I felt comforted by How real He is and how much He cares.
You see, this past week or two, my family has been spending lots of time at home. Everyone except for me has had a fever, cough and terrible headache. Jeff was even prescribed medicine because he had walking pneumonia. Not fun.
Yesterday, after days and days at home, I could tell that my girls were feeling better. Whew! What a relief. Everyone was no longer just contentedly lying around reading or watching movies. They were up and moving and doing better. However, you have to remember that besides Jeff, this is a house full of girls. Girls whose feelings can get hurt, who tend to cry when over-tired and who sometimes don't even know why they are so sad. (Sounds like I'm just describing myself.)
Last night, one of my girls went to bed feeling quite unhappy. I didn't know what to do for her, except give her lots of hugs and tell her that she'd feel better after a good night's sleep. Things truly do tend to seem better in the morning.
This morning, as I was reading the Bible, I read a very familiar story. It was about Jesus and Lazarus. (John 11:1-11:57) As I was reading, I noticed that Jesus didn't seem too bothered that his buddy was about to die. He even told his disciples that Lazarus was already asleep (v.12-13), meaning dead. He didn't seem to show emotion about it...but, isn't this the part of the Bible where the verse, "Jesus wept" is found? Hmmm.... I kept reading, thinking it was strange. I always thought Jesus wept because his friend died. Then, I got to verse 33 and I understood. It says, "When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled."......He was moved and troubled by Mary's broken heart. THEN Jesus wept.
When I read that, I thought of the sad little girl I tucked into bed last night. When I left her room, I wanted to cry. I felt for her, but nothing I could say would really change the way she was feeling. It brought me such comfort to read about Jesus' heart. He was feeling for Mary and the Jews who were mourning. It made him deeply troubled to see their sadness. He feels the same way about us when we are sad. I will most definitely be sharing this with my daughter today. I know that there are times when you want someone to just change the subject, cheer you up and help you move on to think about other things. There are also times when you simply need to know that someone cares and feels for you and gets you right where you are. Something about THAT helps you "snap out of it" sometimes, too.
I'm so glad we have such a loving and compassionate God!

Grace

2011-03-13T08:08:00.001-07:00

If a woman learns to embrace the challenges of life head on and is determined to bring light into darkness, celebration into the mundane, forgiveness to the offenses, grace to the ugly, she can help to determine the way all who are in her home see and learn to love God.

Sally Clarkson

always learning

2011-01-29T08:40:00.000-08:00

I just love this picture. It reminds me of my three girls.
This week, Kourtney has been doing "Big Girl School" with Jacklyn. They're learning about manners. Close doors quietly, don't run in the house, hang up your clothes...going beyond just the "please and thank you" rules that we've been drilling into our 3 and a half year old since day one.
Last night, Jacklyn was playing with a few little boys and quickly had them sitting down, doing "circle time" and being quite bossy.
Kourtney looked at me and said, "Oh my. I will have to be a LOT less bossy when we do Big Girl School."
She saw quickly the power of influence we older ones have on the younger. (Yikes!)
I, too, have seen that this week. What do I prioritize? Not just in my head....but what do they see me prioritize? Computer time? Or time with them? Cleaning the house, or playing with my kids? Constant battle for me. Of course....I love and prioritize them above all.....but, is that what my actions are telling them? Oh my....as Kourtney said. I fear I need to tell them - with my actions - how much more important they are to me than all the other stuff that crowds in. I have to remember that I am always "homeschooling" my kids, even when we're not at the table doing academics. What are they learning from me?

2nd verse

2011-01-20T07:26:00.000-08:00

John 14: 23a

Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching."

1st scripture memory verse of the year

2011-01-18T19:56:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

sprinkles

2011-01-17T21:13:00.000-08:00

My creative Maggi. She's recently changed the spelling of her nickname. Notice the lack of an "e"? I love her originality, her bravery, her thoughtfulness, kindness and spunk! This girl of mine is constantly surprising me with her unique ideas......just the way her mind works. There is a strength about Maggi that is going to work in her favor as she gets older, I am sure. When she was 2....it scared me. At 10....very nearly 11......I marvel at that strength and wish I had a bit more of it myself. I learn from her daily. I'm so happy I get to be her mom.

squishters

2011-01-02T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad these 3 have each other!!

This photo was taken on one of the many nights that the 3 sisters got to sleep together out by the Christmas tree this Christmas break. They do love each other so much! For some silly reason, we've taken to referring to the sisters as squishters. This picture seems to capture the squishing pretty well. :) They are normal siblings....they argue, they bug, they frustrate....but, I do love how they love! I am (beyond!) blessed to have 2 sisters as well. I am so thankful that my daughters have the gift of 2 sisters to grow up with. I'm sure brothers are great, too. I just know the deep-soul love that sisters share and I am thankful.

Like a Tree

2010-11-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

Psalm 1:3
He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

This time of year begs for us to notice trees. Large trees, small trees.....any tree at all....they look so beautiful in the Fall. My ten year old, Maggie, has really been into drawing trees lately. I love that. She makes them look so strong. So safe. I always think of refuge and shelter when I see the trees she draws.
Trees grow stronger because of their roots. They grown down, searching for water. Wind also helps trees to grow. The wind blows on the tree, causing their roots to shift, to seem unstable for a moment, but really they are finding a place to really dig in and be secure.
I heard recently, "If the wind don't blow, the tree won't grow." How true that is! It is the same for us, too. The winds of life....troubles, etc....blow on our lives all the time. Some times seem more intense than others. We have to go back to our roots and see where we can be securely grounded. Our souls search for the water of Truth. As we cling to Him, we find our source of strength. As we grip His Words, we flourish. Our lives begin to bear more fruit. We become stronger and we don't wither. Whatever we do prospers and the greatest part of all of this is that we point to God. He is glorified in our lives and HE is the reason we can thrive.

The Best Day

2010-09-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Kourtney, Maggie and Jacklyn,
Do you have any idea how much I love being your mother? I cherish these days with you more than you'll ever understand. Today was a little rough. We got through our school work.....finally. It was a day filled with deep conversations, plenty of tears, a splash of laughter and a truck load of love. You girls (Kourtney and Maggie) are very aware of some of the hardships our loved ones are facing right now. It kills me to see how badly this hurts you. I love the amazing hearts of love and compassion you have for others. You are so beautiful.
I heard this song today and couldn't help shedding a few tears. I don't know what you'll say about your childhood when you're all grown up. But I sure hope that you know how dearly, dearly loved you are. You girls are everything to your Daddy and me. We are so honored to get to be your parents and we really love who you are growing up to be. If I could spend a day with anyone, I'd choose you girls. I adore you!
Love,
Mommy
Here are the Lyrics:
The Best Day by Taylor Swift

I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold

I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home.

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

But I know you're not scared of anything at all

Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away

But I know I had the best day with you today.

I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys

And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away

And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names.

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school

But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay

But I know I had the best day with you today.

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger

God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run

And I had the best days with you.

There is a video I found from back when I was three

You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs

And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world.

And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

And I love you for giving me your eyes

For staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say

That I had the best day with you today.

Me and May

2010-09-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

In the movie, The Secret Life of Bees, I felt oddly connected to one character in particular.

The character is May Boatwright. She is the sister of August and June Boatwright. She has a very childish nature and maybe a bit of a mental illness. Those are not the things that made me feel connected to her, by the way.
She is highly sensitive to the pain of others and the world in general, she carries the weight of the world in her soul.

That's where I feel similar to May.
There have been so many sad things going on around me. So much so that I haven't even taken the time to blog. (Have you noticed?) I have been heartbroken over the destruction of several marriages....each one involving precious kids. I have seen people make really bad decisions and not take into account the huge effect it will have on those around them. I have been overwhelmed and heavy-hearted.
Unlike May Boatwright, I refuse to allow my heaviness to consume me.
In church this past Sunday, our dear elder pastor, Ed Kopper, prayed a very familiar and comforting verse. My heart has been lifted as I am reminded of the promise of Philippians 4:19, "My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory."
I guess I've only considered that verse when I've been stressed out financially. Don't get me wrong, I need to remember it then as well. SO thankful He takes care of our monetary needs!
However, this time I am comforted as I read that verse, realizing that each precious child involved in these torn apart homes, each heart-broken spouse....even all the other family members and friends that are feeling the pain of these circumstances.....will ALL be taken care of - according to His riches in glory.
What great confidence we have in Him!

A New Adventure!

2010-06-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's been a few months since I've blogged! Yikes.
I have had all sorts of things come up.
End of the school year, a dear friend's illness, my daughters' swim schedule....just to name a few.
I have just read Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity.
It is so fantastic. I have been through so many of her Bible studies. I, like most women who do those studies, feel like Beth is a close personal friend.
Let me tell you, it is even more the case when reading this book.
The truth and humor of it all is a perfect blend.
Run. Don't walk. Go get your hands on that book!
You may not struggle with insecurity.
Well, come on, who doesn't?!
But, it is well worth the read!!
Make sure to check out her blog, too. It's so fun!
The two verses that have meant so much to me are these:
Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed with strength and dignity
She can laugh at the days to come.
and.....
Psalm 112:7-8
(S)he will have no fear of bad news;
(her) heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
(Her) heart is secure, (s)he will have no fear;
in the end (s)he will look in triumph on (her) foes.
Great verses to have memorized and "on file" at all times in my mind!
About 8 years ago, I was faced with the decision of what to do with my oldest daughter's education. She would be starting school, at that time it was preschool, and I had no idea what to do.
I had taught preschool for 3 years before giving birth to her, but I was still a bit nervous. As it turned out, God placed me smack dab in the middle of a TON of homeschool families when we moved down here to the Central Coast. It seemed like EVERYONE homeschooled their kids.
I, however, had said that I admired homeschooling but thought I would never, ever have what it takes to do it! Too great of a responsibility. Too much at stake. After all, I had only completed some college. I wasn't smart enough.
Well, as God would have it, I prayed and prayed and decided to homeschool. At first it was just going to be preschool and maybe Kindergarten. I mean, how hard could it be? Kindergarten is just one step up from preschool.
So, the homeschool journey began.
I walked in LOTS of fear and trepidation. I was extremely insecure and convinced that I was probably messing up my daughter's education. I was so intense and if it hadn't been for the wonderful love of learning that God instilled in Kourtney, I would've squashed every single bit of possibility for the kid to succeed. I pushed waaaaay too hard!
By first grade, I was ready to quit. I prayed and prayed and felt like God was calling me to keep up with homeschooling.
Okay, well, how much harder can first grade be than kindergarten?
And so it went...Me wanting to quit, God calling me to keep going.
LONG story short, here we are....all these years later. I have homeschooled all along. Kourtney will be a 7th grader and Maggie will be in 5th. Jacklyn is almost 3 and participates in her own (distracting) way as much as she can. :) This past Monday night, I accepted the role of Director for our homeschool group. I do not feel any more "qualified" now than I did 8 years ago when I started this journey of homeschooling. I do, however, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is able to equip me. I keep checking in with myself.....I should be scared to death (I've certainly had those moments!), I should be cowering in insecurity....but, the truth is, I know God's track record and I'm excited to see what He has in store!
So Long, Insecurity! You've Been a Bad Friend to Me!!!!!!!!!

open door

2010-04-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

Apparently, we have an open door policy here at our house.
I wish I were referring to the warm hospitality, drop-in-any-time front door kind of open door.
Nope.
I'm talking about the bathroom.
Whenever that door is closed, it is an invitation for little Miss 2-year-old to barge right on in.
I cannot remember the last time I showered in peace.
As soon as that water goes on, she bursts through the door.
She'll come in to talk to me, to sing to me, to whine or cry to me.
It's not limited to shower time, either....unfortunately!!
Something about that door being closed is more than she can handle.
Somehow, I'm unavailable to her and she can't stand it.
So, why not lock it, you ask?
Well, we've only got one bathroom in the home.
We also have a 2 year old who is SLOWLY potty training.
You never know what may happen if she doesn't have access.
So, as I'm about to leave the computer to go shower,
I'm hoping, but not expecting, a peaceful shower experience.
One day I'll miss these days.
Right?

no power

2010-04-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

The greatest thing happened on Sunday.
Okay, not the greatest, but it was good.
Our power was out from around 1:00 AM until about 11:00 AM.
It was so quiet and peaceful.
No noisy hum of the computer or the fridge.
The girls found interesting things to do...
Drawing, writing, playing board games....
I was able to do some cooking.
We have a gas stove and I just lit the burners with a match.
We had a fantastic morning and were slightly bummed when the power returned.
Strange to say, but I felt so alive and so present after that morning!
I spend way too much time on the computer.
I really want to change that.
I'm grateful for the gift of electricity,
But I'm also grateful for the gift of a morning without it.

best blog on the block

2010-03-23T14:48:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Lori has just started blogging. I'm so excited about this because she has an incredible journey to share! Her writing is captivating and will absolutely inspire and encourage you! Check her out here as she shares about Kids, Cancer, Chaos: Loving My Life.
You will be glad you did!!

destiny's shore

2010-03-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

It was such a beautiful, warm, sunny day down in southern California. I was 12 years old and fearless. My family was spending the day at Huntington Beach and everything was right in our world.

Mom and my sister Jenny were content to soak in the rays on the beach. My dad, my sister Michelle and I were ready for adventure. We darted out to the ocean for some serious body surfing. The waves were amazing and we had plans to take full advantage of them.

Well, Michelle, Dad and I had a surprise coming our way. We body surfed for hours. I’m pretty sure it was Dad who suggested that we head back to shore. We could kind of remember where Jenny and Mom were, so we started to swim back in that direction. To be quite honest with you, the rest of the day is a little bit of a blur to me.

I remember being very tired. I remember how strong the waves were and I clearly remember bobbing up and down in the water, trying to get a breath. I can still see the blurry brownish water when I think about that day. I can still taste the salt and feel my dad’s arm trying to hold me up as he swam.

My sister and dad were exhausted. At one point, my dad was afraid I was drowning. He tried to see how deep the water was and realized that he could not touch the bottom. He began to panic. He told us to swim harder. In that moment, seeing Dad panic, Michelle called out with all of her strength, “JESUS! Help us!”

Instantly there were 2 lifeguards at our side. Instantly. I remember the red floaty thing that I held onto as they dragged us back to shore. I remember being on the sand very, very far away from where Jenny and my mom were waiting. I will also never forget their word of instruction to us: “If you ever get drug out by a strong undercurrent again, just relax. Allow yourself to float and eventually the ocean will carry you back to shore. It may be much farther down the beach than you started out, but as long as you try to fight the current, you will get nowhere but exhausted.”

Somehow that story is quite an object lesson for me about life and plans. I can think of several times in my life where I stood on the shore and had my own great plans all mapped out. I looked into the distance and thought I knew exactly how things would pan out, only to find myself flailing and trying to catch my breath. There have been times when things have seemed utterly out of control. Times when I had no idea if I’d even make it. There have been other times that may not have seemed quite so bleak, but definitely not the way I had planned them.

I am going to try really hard to hold onto the words of those wise lifeguards and apply a spiritual twist to it. God has a plan for our lives. We can go along for the ride, knowing that it will be an exciting adventure and TRUST HIM to get us safely to the “shore” He has destined for us…..or we can try to fight him all of the way, arguing that it’s too hard for us or that this isn’t the “right” way. If we do that, we can count on the fact that we will get nowhere but exhausted!

I’m really hoping that I can remember this in the midst of the waves of life…not just after a rough set. Our God is so loving and trustworthy….I can’t wait to see what part of the shore he has planned for me to land on.

turn around

2010-03-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

Well, you just gotta love me.
Today, I awoke with fresh inspiration.
I've been anxious about life.
Am I doing things right now?
(See previous post)
Will my sweet 12 year old turn into a monster when she's a full-fledged teenager?
(Like her mother did?)
Will my lack of experience kill me as I forge ahead in my homeschooling endeavors?
My brain has been filled with tons and tons of "What ifs."
This morning, however, reality hit me.
The good kind.

I looked at my little 2 year old and melted.
She will only be 2 years, 9 months for this little period of time.
She is too much! Such a handful and yet so very, very adorable!!
I want to squish her, I love her so much!
My 10 year old is darling!

Ever-changing, funny and so full of life!
She is independant, thoughtful and brave and challenges me to dream bigger.
I want to live in the moment and savor her.
My 12 year old is such a gift.

She is very sensitive, careful and kind.
Her wisdom surpasses my own on many levels and I admire her.
I can waste my days by worrying about our future,
or I can stop, breathe in TODAY and smile.
That's what I'm choosing today.
Why is it that making that decision is so tough sometimes?
Of course that's what I always want to do.....but I get consumed.
I often say that there is a fine line between faith and denial for me.
I believe things will turn out good.
Surveying past history, I could even say they'll turn out pretty fantastic!
I also know that life is filled with trouble, hardship and change.
That eventually translates into growth.
Growth is good.
So....for today, I'll savor the moment.
I'll do my best to stop worrying.
I have learned that it really doesn't do much good anyway.
I am SO grateful for my precious today.

you're doing it wrong!

2010-03-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

What a mixed bag the blog world can be.
I can read one blog and feel so inspired, moved and ready to take on the world.
I can read another blog and feel like I'm just not getting it.
Like I'm doing everything wrong.
I just read a wonderful post about a mom who is reading through For The Children's Sake.
Sounds like SUCH a wonderful read!
Yet, I'll confess that the thought of it overwhelms me.
The book talks about how children need plenty of unrushed, unorganized playtime to explore, create, move, and imagine.
Gosh, I couldn't agree more.
However, there's a line from the movie Mr. Mom that keeps ringing in my head.
The line?
"You're doing it wrong!"
My girls are wonderful kids.
They impress and inspire me.
I love who they are.
I guess the feelings I'm getting are not from the data (my kids) in front of me, more from my own fears.
They are on a pretty tight schedule.
They wouldn't complain, I'm sure....but reading about unorganized playtime to explore, create, move and imagine causes me to want to give them more of that.
Oh, if only we could schedule that in. :)
Those are my thoughts for the moment.
Something to think about.
Something to work on....

...but who's counting?...

2010-03-04T10:31:00.000-08:00

My darling Maggie drew this yesterday.....
Gotta love it!

February

2010-03-01T13:44:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's already March!
How did that happen?!
February is a wonderful month here in our home.
Maggie turned 10 on February 6th.
Kourtney turned 12 on the 26th.
We love to celebrate all month long.
Valentine's day is just a fun holiday right smack in the middle of the birthdays for us.
This year, Maggie went to school with her daddy for her birthday.
He is a 4th grade teacher and she just happens to be a 4th grader herself.
She loved the day and had a fantastic time feeling like a "real" student rather than just a homeschooler. :)
Kourtney is so easy. She just wanted to do a little shopping on her birthday. We drove over to Gilroy, got her a great pair of boots (Ugg style, but not that brand), she spent a few of her birthday bucks in Old Navy, we grabbed Subway for lunch and headed home. She was as happy as could be.
She also wanted to swim that afternoon.
Swimming is a huge part of our life. They had a swim meet this weekend and both of them did great.
Kourtney has set some goals that she'd love to meet and came pretty darn close to one of them!
Maggie had fun hanging with friends. She swam great, but didn't care too much about her times.
Overall, February was a fun month for us...I just can't believe it's gone already.
My girls' birthdays have often brought me to a nostalgic place in previous years...but this year, I can honestly say I'm just really, really enjoying them. I love who they are and look forward to who they'll be.

funny. real funny.

2010-01-21T18:09:00.001-08:00

This week, my girls are memorizing Psalm 73:28.
It's a great verse.
"But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds."
Today, Kourtney said the verse and I asked her what the reference was.
She couldn't remember, so I asked if she wanted a hint.
Me: "Okay.....Psalm...the year I was born..."
Kourt: "Psalm 73....uh...."
Me: "The age I look"
Kourt: "48?"
Me: "You're grounded!!!"
Guess I set myself up for that one.

my funny memories

2010-01-07T13:02:00.000-08:00

My daughters always like me to tell them funny stories of things they did or said when they were little. It's fun to recall the moments and my girls get a good chuckle. I thought I'd post a couple on here that we've recently discussed.
Kourtney:
My now ALMOST 12 year old....was just as sensitive as they come!
Before having her, I worked as a preschool teacher.
I was so excited when she turned about 2 or 2 and a half. I thought about how great it would be to sit and have "circle time" and sing fun songs together.
One day, I started singing, "On Top of Spaghetti."
BIG mistake.
She was fine at first, "On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese." But, it took a turn for the worse when, "I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed."
Crying began at, "It rolled off the table and onto the floor."
And full on sobbing when, "....and then my poor meatball rolled right out the door."
You can only imagine how hard it was for me, after overcoming my shock at her tears, not to burst out laughing! Poor kid really felt sorry for that poor meatball!!
We never did get to finish the song.
Probably for the best....it has a pretty sad ending.
Remember, it rolls "into the garden and under a bush....and then my poor meatball was nothing but mush."
I'm positive she could NOT have handled that!
What a tender little heart that girl had!
She still does....but, living with her sarcastic, joking parents....she's toughened up a little.
Next, we have one of our classic Maggie stories.
Oh Miss Maggie Pie! Such a lovely almost 10-year-old.
She was the easiest baby I ever had!
And then she turned 2!
She looked like a little angel. Blond, silky hair, great big green eyes....and the most scratchy, gruff voice you ever heard.
What great growth and character development took place in me, thanks to that girl!
One funny memory I have of her was at a time when she was mad.
Not just mad, but furious!
We were in a store and she wanted something (can't remember what)and her daddy said, "No."
That was not cool as far as she was concerned and she was going to let him know, in no uncertain terms, how she felt about it.
She threw a great big fit.
We decided that wasn't going to happen in the store and we left.
The shock of us leaving the store caused her to fall silent for a minute.
Then, in anger, she looked at her daddy and said, "You're a circle head!"
Boy, was she mad!
It took everything in us not to laugh....but instead, to discipline.
Last, but not least is Miss Jacklyn.
Our current 2 year old.
Something about that age, huh?
She keeps us on our toes all the time.
There's not a shy bone in her body.
Just last week, there was this precious older man in the grocery store.
He was a little hunched over, he wore a cowboy hat and some brightly-colored suspenders.
He saw Jacklyn looking at him and his face brightened.
He waved at her and said, "Hi!"
As CLEAR AS DAY, my sweet, charming, friendly little angel said,
"Mommy, he is a funny looking guy!"
I can't even tell you how I reacted.
I don't remember. I just know I was mortified and down another aisle faster than lightning.
I am so happy that I've been blessed with these 3....very unique and very wonderful girls!! They are such a joy!!

our daily walk

2010-01-06T16:12:00.000-08:00

This is the little trail we walk down every.single.day.
My older 2 daughters have a job. They walk Rooney, this adorable puppy, and get paid for it!

It's perfect, really. We have our own pooch, too. Gracie. She delights greatly in the daily walks and having the responsibility of walking Rooney just ensures that Gracie will get some exercise as well.
Recently, another friend has joined us on our walks. Just thought you might want to see who it is. He goes, affectionately, by the name of "Oooh Oooh."

Life is fun.

back to life....back to reality

2010-01-03T21:46:00.000-08:00

We will start school back up tomorrow after 2 glorious weeks off...and one week, prior to vacation, that really shouldn't count as school. Mostly pre-Christmas stuff. I know a certain 4th grade teacher, however, who also did lots of pre-Christmas stuff before break....and it counts. So, we will count it, too.
Every day of school that we do now makes our summer vacation come even sooner. That's what I tell my girls. And that's what I have to tell myself on days when I'm just not feelin' it.
Hopefully my little welcome sign (shown above) will help morale tomorrow. Kourtney is eager to get back into a routine. Maggie rolls her eyes at the thought of school. Or structure. I think I'm somewhere in between.
I don't have a list of 2010 goals. Not yet anyway. I do think I'll have the girls sit down and think about this. Maybe even write something down. Maybe not. We'll see.
However, one thing I'd like to try to implement in this new year is better planning. I'd love to remember that we eat dinner every single night when we get home from swim practice and actually think ahead to have something waiting. Crockpot recipes would be a great idea! Or at least some sort of dinner in mind.
I also think I'm going to try to do my lesson plans over the weekend prior to school starting. Heck, I could even be crazy and try to get them done on Friday afternoons....like the aforementioned 4th grade teacher does! That may be too crazy for me. We'll see.
All I know is that doing my lesson plans on Monday morning, when school is well underway is NOT how I want to finish off this school year. I've even been know to write them up on Wednesday. I look back in their books to see what the girls have already done and THEN write it down. These lesson plans are purely for my own peace of mind. I don't turn them into anyone. Nobody else ever even needs to see them. Unless, of course, one of my darlings wants to work ahead.....she can peek in the lesson plan book and see what I'd like her to do next.
Anyway, all that to say, I hope to be a teensy bit more organized. And I really hope I don't lose my mind on our first day back to reality. I'll let you know how it goes. I better go start those lesson plans now.
Over and out.

oh the drama....

2009-12-29T20:16:00.000-08:00

Some days are better than others.
Yesterday was sunny and warm.
I went out with a friend for a belated birthday dinner.
We shopped, we ate Mexican food and chatted for hours.
Divine!
Today was chilly and cloudy.
Little girl drama abounded.
And I got a speeding ticket.
BLAH!
Can't wait for another one of those better days to come again soon.
Hopefully real soon.

the eye of the beholder

2009-12-04T15:10:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday evening, we decided to deck the halls here at our house.
Tree, lights, little Christmas decorations and of course, the ornaments.
All the trimmings.
A fun time was had by all.
We had Christmas music playing, thanks to pandora, we had hot chocolate and we had a blast!
Jacklyn especially loved it!
She was so proud of herself and her tree-decorating skills!
It really was precious.
We laughed to ourselves at how she picked ONE branch on the tree on which to hang every ornament she got her cute little hands on.
A very fun memory.

in loving memory

2009-12-01T23:03:00.000-08:00

Danny Carver
December 2, 1973 - August 8, 2007

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one...It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things." ~Lemony Snicket
It has been over 2 years now since my dear old friend Danny Carver was tragically shot and killed in the streets of Vallejo, CA. Stupid, senseless tragedy. Danny was a major part of my life throughout my entire high school duration. He was like a member of our family....coming over for dinner, going on family trips with us and even taking out the trash. :) His family is still very special to me.
December 2 is his birthday. He would be turning 36. He left behind a family that loved him immensely, a girlfriend and 4 beautiful children. My mind still cannot fathom that he is really gone. My heart aches for his mother. Such pain and such a sad loss.
I am reminded that he is in heaven. He is in the presence of Jesus....what must that be like?! I was thinking to myself today that I would love to look into the eyes of Jesus....face to face. Maybe that's what Danny gets to experience now. I wonder.
I will be praying for his family and the loved ones he left behind today...more than I usually do. My heart just goes out to them. I hope that if you took the time to read this today that you, too will say a prayer.

inspiration

2009-11-22T20:44:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been inspired to blog so often lately.
Unfortunately, I haven't taken the time to sit down at the computer and do it. Tonight, I decided I'd be like the old Nike slogan and JUST DO IT! I've had zillions of different topics floating around in my head to blog about and then I seem to lose them. I do my best thinking while vacuuming or blow drying my hair. Maybe there's something about the hum of the machine...shutting out other sounds so that I'm free to think. Or something.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I will start with a post on what is causing my heart to feel like it could swell and burst right here and now.
My daughters.
They are such amazing little gifts to me!! I love the way they love Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. We sing along in the car to their CDs ALL the time! Well, whenever we're not watching a movie that Jacklyn has chosen, I suppose. We are goofy together, we are serious together, get teary together and are even grumpy together.
I love the way that Kourtney, who is only about 3 inches shorter than me, often wants to do my hair or just sit with me. We can have mature conversations, joke around or just spend time doing anything techy. She can figure out things that my cell phone is capable of way before I ever knew the feature existed. She's great on the computer and has a love of knowledge. She may not agree with that statement, but it's true. That girl loves to learn! She is growing up right before my very eyes and I have to say...I like what I see. Eleven and 3/4. Wow. How did that happen?
Then there is my Mags. She is still quite a kick in the pants. She has a quick wit and likes to make us laugh. She has always had a sensitive heart for animals and I'm happy to say, that's developing more and more for humans as well. She LOVES to lay on my bed with me at night and talk. She'll ask me what my favorite memory was from when I was her age, she'll enjoy reading books together or really, anything that is just one on one Maggie and Mommy time. I love that little blondie and I'm so grateful for her.
Oh and then there's little Jacklyn. Cute. Sweet. Silly personified and quite the little imagination!! Her latest has been stories about some mysterious "class" she goes to. Sometimes God is there and he is a really naughty boy. Or Santa. Santa Claus was in her class the other day (actually the word is "yesterday"...anything in the past...make believe or real....she refers to as "yesterday".) He apparently snatched a toy from her 2 times. That is, of course, after God kicked her in the stomach and Jesus stepped on her toe. Where does she get this from? I promise I'm teaching her that God is good. What's a mom to do? Jackie is a little love. She is sweet and snuggly and can't get enough lovin!!
My cup runneth over. I am so blessed and I can't imagine life without my 3 little shadows!!! They bring me such tremendous joy. I am thankful.

it's the climb

2009-08-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

The following is the latest little article I wrote for our homeschool group's newsletter. Just thought I'd share it here...even for those of you who don't homeschool. :)

Welcome to the start of another school year. For some, it’s your first year homeschooling. You may have some questions, some anxiety and probably a great deal of excitement! Others of you have been at this for years and years and have an idea of what to expect. Perhaps you are longing to get back into a routine. Or maybe the reality of summer coming to an end and the responsibilities that lie ahead seem daunting. Whatever the case, I am sure that we all have a few goals in mind for this upcoming year.

This summer, my family took a road trip. Our goal was to arrive in Portland, Oregon. The drive was long. One child was sick for part of the time, one was feeling uncomfortable and the third….well, she’s two. All I wanted to do was speed through it all and just get there already! Often, when things get tough for me, I hear myself saying, “I wish I could just fast forward through all of this. I know God has some good in store for me at the end. I just hate going through it.”

Recently, while “going through it”, I came across an amazing concept from Oswald Chambers, author of My Utmost for His Highest. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

Remember to savor the daily-ness of this school year. Of course we may have some necessary goals: teaching a child to read, mastering some important math concepts, graduating a child from high school. However, keep in mind that God is busy shaping our character, and that of our kids, each step along the way. Just as I had to purpose to enjoy the time (and I do mean TIME!) in the car with my family, we can savor the days, weeks and months of this year with our students. I learned things I never knew about my kids as we drove. We laughed hard. We sang songs. We also saw some of God’s beautiful creation as we observed what was out of our windows. Taking the time to live in the moment and seek God as we go will benefit us in ways we cannot fathom.

Fellow homeschool moms and teachers, I pray that you will enjoy this year like no other. I’ll leave you with another quote….don’t hate me for it….from the Hannah Montana Movie soundtrack: There’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m gonna have to lose. Ain’t about how fast I get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side….it’s the climb.

fabric necklaces

2009-08-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

We have been having so much fun today....whipping out some fantastic fabric necklaces that we copied from this great blog!!

and these....

creative collaboration

2009-07-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

What a great idea!! My sister and her family (husband and 4 children) relocated last year to Minnesota from California. Our hearts were ripped out as 3 sisters and 10 cousins had to say goodbye. After about 6 months in Minnesota, it was clear that things were not working out and they moved back to California. How exciting and how hard...all in the same breath!
They were able to pack up some essential belongings and head back to California in January. However, most of their things are still in storage in Minnesota. Jenny and Joe have come up with a very creative idea to get their stuff back to California. They both paint and will be selling their original art work here for only $40 each. Please take a minute to check out their blog (you can click on the button to the right) and order a painting. These items will be available starting August 1st.

growing pains

2009-07-18T22:12:00.000-07:00

Well, It seems as though God has some stretching and growing in mind for some of us. I'd love to convince Him that "I was fine the way I was." But, He doesn't seem to be buying that. I have spoken to many dear friends and loved ones lately...and even read some blogs that belong to folks I've never met and it seems like there's just a lot of harship going on right now.
I hate that. I want to fix it for everyone. If I could just win the lottery several times, I could save so many from financial trouble. If I could only heal, if I could only encourage, if I could only change things....ahhh! I certainly would if I could. Let me tell you, I'd change a few things in my own circumstances right now, too.
But, for whatever reason, God is allowing some heartache right now. The people I'm currently thinking of all love Him tremendously and persue him actively. I don't dare ask the question I'm thinking, "Why does He allow suffering?" I've read Oswald enough to know that one answer to that question would be, "God allowed His own son to endure suffering, why should He spare us?" Oh, I don't know. I just wish He would.
There's an incredible blog I'm following right now, Journey through fire. It is a sad story of a young man who was recently burned through electrocution. He is healing in a local hospital and I feel so connected to his family as they write. I have never met these people, but we serve the same loving, healing, promising God. (Please take a moment to click on the blog and pray for Jacob!) I wanted to share with you something that was written there because it really spoke to me today as I'm trying hard to live this life Spirit-led. I'll leave you with these thoughts:

None should diminish our own difficulties, challenges, pains. Cancer, financial, employment, relationships. It is not a matter of degree or comparison. It is more a matter of what we are becoming through the process. Through both the times of blessing and times of heartache are we increasing more in love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, love, etc or are we increasing in bitterness, anger, resentment, selfishness.

For those of us who claim we are Christians are we growing and taking on the character of Christ?

home again, home again....

2009-07-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

wow! what an exhausting drive it is from portland to marina! we are one wiped out family. my girls went to camp the week before, then it was 4th of july, then...off to oregon. oops...forgot that the entire 5th of july, my maggie girl was sick on the couch with tummy issues. poor punkin! we enjoyed lots of fun with my husband's side of the family. i loved seeing the cousins all playing together. i am home now and have SO much to do! i want to escape again...but, reality calls.

just wanted to post a quick note about what we've been up to. i'm feeling a little pooped, though. maybe more writing and photos coming soon. that'll be my goal. among so many other things.

i will just say that i am extremely grateful for amazing kids and an incredible husband.

life is good.

funk and gunk....my thoughts from a really hard season....

2009-06-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

The following is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Thank the Lord, I've been doing much better since this. I decided to go ahead and post it (editing it just a smidge) because it will serve as a good reminder for me of many things. Number one, that sometimes life is just hard. Number two, that God is good and really does answer our cries for help. I was too weak to take any steps forward for a while. I just sat down, right where I was, and asked Him to get me out of my pit. He did just that. I don't deserve His goodness, but I am SO thankful!

So, I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. I haven’t known exactly how to get out of it. I’ve over analyzed my life and come up with some pretty good excuses or explanations, though. Here are a few of them: “This has been a hard year. This has been a hard 7+ years with Jeff in school. Homeschooling is exhausting. I never get a break. I have a toddler. She hardly ever, ever sleeps through the night. It’s foggy. I live far from my friends. I live farther from my family. I never get time alone. Money is tight. Life is hard”, etc. Oh, I could go on. I’ve got a million of ‘em!
Today I’m reminded that what we spend our time thinking about and reflecting on 100% shapes the way we view ~ and subsequently LIVE ~ our lives! I realize there are areas in my life that need some real attention. I’ve got areas of selfishness, icky competition, comparison and even some discontentment. These things have snuck up on me because I’ve been spending much of my days with my eyes on the wrong things. Thinking negative (and selfish) thoughts are killing me!
So, what’s a girl to do? The excuses I listed all have at least an element of truth to them. I can feel validated and justified to stay in my funk if I want. Or, I can see those as indicators. I was in my car the other day and the “Check Engine” light came on. It’s time for an oil change. That handy little light comes onto let us know that if things aren’t dealt with…..like changing the oil…..eventually, you will have disastrous results. Your car could blow up or something. (Okay, maybe not blow up….but, it will stop working.)
When I see these issues creeping up in my life, things like loneliness, isolation, competition or discontentment, I should treat them like a “Check Engine” light. I need to take care of them. However, what I’ve done is one of two things: either pretend I don’t see them or, most recently, beat myself up because they are there. Connection, attention, significance, etc. are all just needs…..just as a car needs oil. I’ve had a “Check Engine” light on for a while and it’s time to take care of it. What a handy tool it is.
I don’t like what I’ve been seeing in my life. Again, like a car, the longer you go without changing the oil, the more gunk builds up. I’ve been seeing some gunk. But, today I’m determined to get into the shop. I’m going to deal with the gunk before any disastrous results ensue. God is my mechanic and I trust Him completely to do the job and handle it all with great care.
I think realizing that I’ve got to take care of some needs is a good start. I will shift my focus, however. I can’t sit there and dwell on what I’m lacking. I also need to stop and pay attention to the countless blessings all around me. I’ve got an amazing “car” here!! The oil doesn’t make the car, if that analogy makes any sense. My life is fantastic! I have a husband who loves me and 3 of the most amazing girls ever to walk the planet. I have been entrusted to live this life abundantly with them and that is exactly what I intend to do!
Clearly, I can’t do it on my own. I get into funks. I’ve got some gunk. Funk and gunk. I’m human. I’m flawed. I’m weak. But, my God is bigger. I will continue pressing into Him. He will become my focus as I memorize scripture, get into His word and keep worship as the soundtrack of my life. I’m hopeful today that I am going to be okay. I will take one step at a time and allow God to meet my every need. He will do it. He promises us that “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness.” 2 Peter 1:3

Pressing On....

2009-05-27T13:34:00.000-07:00

How can it be that we are at the end of yet another school year? It feels like we just got started, and now it is time to wrap everything up. Many of you have probably already started planning ahead for next year, purchasing curriculum, figuring out your calendar and scheduling classes. As for me and my house, we are just trying to get the last few days of this school year completed well. I’ll think about next school year eventually, but for now, I just want to finish strong.
This has been a good school year for my family. We have enjoyed many of the new things that we have learned and powered through the things that were less enjoyable. We have struggled, grown, cried and laughed. We have survived days that I’d rather not relive and we have had several that I wish I could rewind and press “Pause.” Our kids grow so fast and I often wish I could just freeze time.
What an honor it is to homeschool! We all have challenges but we also all have so much to be thankful for! The other day, I was realizing how spoiled I am. I was listening to one child play piano in the background while my 9 year old read aloud to me. Seriously, what a life!
Usually, at this point in my school year, I’m ready to just be done already. This year, however, I plan to just savor these last few days. This school year will never be back. My girls will never be exactly this age again and I just want to relish these moments. I think that as we finish the year with that kind of perspective, it will be so meaningful. We will review some of the things we’ve learned and strain toward what is ahead. I want to appreciate all that we’ve experienced and obtained this school year and look forward to what He has in store for us in the future. He has been faithful, my friends, and I pray that you have and excellent ending to your school year.

quick update

2009-05-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile, so I thought I'd just do a random update on here.

We had a swim meet this past weekend in Salinas, and BOY did we freeze! The girls did great. The weather was never above 60 degrees and we NEVER saw the sun. Just foggy, overcast skies. These are the kind of days that have been known to really get me down. I'm so grateful for fun friends and lots of activity because (tempting though it was) I never felt blue. I enjoyed watching my girls connect with their swim pals! They had so much fun, even though they were cold. They swam a long course, which is a 50 meter pool as opposed to the 25 yard pool they are accustomed to. It was a bit daunting to look down the lane and see how far they had to swim, but they both did fantastic. Both girls grew a bit in character as well as in experience this weekend and I just love who they are!

Jacklyn has been so busy lately. What almost-two-year-old isn't?! She has been in time outs more than I can count. She has been a monkey, climbing into her crib whenever she pleases (but can't get out, thank goodness!), she's been saying funny things (as usual) and just basically keeping us on our toes. Boy, life would be dull without her. She is such a little delight! Today she's been especially cute. I wonder if it is because she had so much Daddy-time this weekend? She really is a doll and I am so thankful for her!

Welp, I'm gearing up for a busy week....school, my husband and my 14 year anniversary on Wednesday, a trip to Vallejo Thursday for my nieces and nephew's play (Music Man) as well as a wedding to attend on Saturday. Our lives are rich and full and even though I can easily feel overwhelmed, I wouldn't have it any other way. I am so blessed.

Measureless Love

2009-05-05T14:49:00.000-07:00

“I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
Ephesians 3:17-19

One of the greatest mysteries of God is His measureless love for us. We just can’t wrap our human brains around it. He loved us even before we were born. He loved us when we were in our Terrible Twos. He loved us through the good, the bad and the ugly actions and attitudes of our teenage years and yes, He loves us still. He loves us when we’re grumpy before our morning coffee, He loves us when we’re doing everything right and, oddly enough, He loves us even when we’ve completely blown it. Oh, how I long to love the way my Heavenly Father does!
Human love is so imperfect. We try to love others, but we are hopeless without Him. We need His Holy Spirit to fill us up, and love through us. On our own, we size each other up. We look to see if we, like we learned in elementary math, fit into the “Greater than,” “Less than,” or “Equal to” category. It is in our human nature to compare ourselves with others. Whether it is in our human nature or not, it can be a very unhealthy habit to develop.
Comparison almost always leads to problems. Either we feel that we come up short or someone else does. Nothing in scripture suggests that God sees us through eyes like that, so we must be very deliberate not to fall into that trap ourselves. God just loves His kids. We may see our weaknesses, but God is looking at our strengths. We may criticize others, but God’s heart is tender and compassionate towards all of us. He doesn’t have a favorite child. He loves each of us so very much. And, even though His love is all-encompassing, He is also very personal.
The love of God is the love that reaches for the highest good. When we are filled up with Him, we are empowered to love the way He does. We’ll be able to look at a person, no matter what their weaknesses are, no matter what their strengths are and always ask, “What is the greatest good I can do for this person?” In turn, we will also learn to see ourselves through God’s loving eyes. Instead of being self-critical or self-loathing, we’ll actually be able to recognize God’s creativity and favor in our lives. The transforming love of God is such a remarkable thing. I pray each of us will continually experience it like never before.

are you my father?

2009-05-03T19:24:00.001-07:00

Are You My Father?

“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”
Psalm 90:14

The other day, I was reading book after book after book with my toddler. We came upon Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman (A Cat in the Hat Book). My daughter loved the book; the pictures, the repetition of the question, “Are you my mother?” as well as the 45 million times I was willing to read it to her. As I read through the book, something profound hit me! I tend to be very much like this little bird. In case you aren’t familiar with the story, I will give you a quick summary.
A little bird hatches from its egg and doesn’t see its mother anywhere in sight. (Mom has gone off to get food for the baby before it pops out of the egg.) While the mother is gone, the baby bird decides to go looking for its mother. It starts off by falling down, down, down and onto the hard ground. (Maybe that should’ve been the first clue not to take matters into its own hands. I’m just saying.) Nevertheless, off baby bird goes in search of his mother.
The baby comes across a kitten, a hen, a dog, a cow, a boat, a plane and a tractor (which he calls ‘a snort’) and asks them, “Are you my mother?” Each time, he leaves disappointed at not finding what he was looking for. In the end, the “Snort” lifts him up and places him back at home in his nest. His mother comes to him, feeds him, wraps her strong, feathered wing around him and she asks him, “Do you know who I am?”
To this, he replies, “Yes, I know who you are. You are not a kitten, a hen, a dog, a cow, a boat or a plane or a Snort. You are a bird and you are my mother.”
As I reflected on this, I was discouraged to see my own actions exposed. I have often been like that baby bird and tried to take matters into my own hands. Maybe I was waiting on God for something, or looking for him in my circumstances but not finding him; always longing for a deep satisfaction but feeling like it wasn’t there. Off I’d go, from one thing to the next, trying to fill that hole. I may come upon a relationship, a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s Crème Brule ice cream, a great pair of shoes, a TV series or a new hobby. Each time asking, “Are you my satisfaction?” And, each time, going away disappointed.
So, when I’m finally at my wit’s end, God consistently puts a “snort” into my life to bring me back to the nest. He fills me up, wraps his arms around me, and asks me, “Do you know who I am?” To this, I bawl as I respond, “Yes, I know who you are. You are not my earthly relationship, you are not my bowl of ice cream, and you are not my great pair of shoes, TV series or new hobby. You are my God and YOU are my satisfaction.”

all these things

2009-05-01T17:08:00.000-07:00

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33

God’s love is truly amazing! You know, He has thought of everything. Not one worry crosses our mind that He hasn’t already covered. He is so good to us, so faithful, and always available to answer our cries. We have direct access to the ear, heart, and resources of God! You would think, God being God and all, it would be wise for us to keep that as a constant, conscious reminder. Where does the disconnect come in, in our lives?
You see, I have a tendency to worry. I worry about big things, I worry about small things, and I even worry about other peoples’ things. When I was younger, about 20, I had a stomach ulcer. Imagine that! What could a 20 year old possibly have to worry about? ( Author with tongue in cheek.) Then, when I became a mom, I took worry to a brand new level. Will I do things right? Will I be able to care for this little person? What if my baby gets sick or hurt or doesn’t sleep well? You get the point. I had become a prime example of the “Worrier Extraordinaire”.
There have also been times in my life where I have walked in great faith. I faced challenges that I knew, without a doubt, were way too big for me to deal with. In those trying times, I was able to fully rest on God to work everything out. As strange as it may seem, the bigger the problem = the greater my faith. In all honesty, I guess that, throughout those dilemmas, I was fully aware of my own inability to do anything and God’s amazing ability to be and to do absolutely everything.
As we read Matthew 6:33, God offers us the best solution to our worries. He tells us to seek Him first and all the things that we worry about will be taken care of. It makes perfect sense, really. When I recall the times that I’ve experienced huge faith in the face of a crisis, my eyes were clearly on God, not on the crisis. When I’m facing my day-to-day life, and the problems that go along with that, I try to figure things out on my own. My eyes are completely on earthly things and how I can make them better. The result? Constant worry.
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” My goal is to make God my focus. I want to seek Him first; first thing in the morning, first thing in my crises, and even first thing in my little worries. He tells us that if we do that, all these things will be given to us as well. “All these things” will become just that; all these things. How insignificant our worries will become, in light of who our amazing, loving God is!

mathematical genius!

2009-04-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

UJ (Uncle Joe) was here yesterday morning while my girls were starting math.
Kourtney is using a compass these days for drawing circles.
Jacklyn was holding the compass and Joe asked her some questions.

Joe: "Hey, Jacklyn, do you know what that thing you are holding is called?"

Jacklyn: "It's a pencil, Uncky Joe." (btw, she used to call him Auntie Joe.)

Joe: "I know that part is a pencil, but do you know what the thing holding the pencil is called?

Jacklyn: (smiling) "I'm Jacklyn!" (SO proud of herself.)

We were cracking up!! Funny little nut.

product review

2009-04-21T06:50:00.001-07:00

I recently purchased the Ped Egg at Target.
Great little $9.99 investment.
My poor feet were looking/feeling sad!
More like sandpaper than appendages.
I must say, that Ped Egg did the trick!
My feet are silky smooth and very happy.
However...just in case $9.99 isn't in your budget,
I'm thinking a fine cheese grater may very well
do the exact same job.
Gross, I know....but, seriously.
Upon close inspection,
that's really what the Ped Egg kind of is.
A little grater.
Hmmmm....I better not let Jeff know this.
He tends to swipe my tweezers out of my make up bag
and use them for all sorts of unsatisfactory purposes.
He is also handy in the kitchen.
And, loves hard cheeses.
So, ladies....buy the Ped Egg.
Or a fine cheese grater.
Sluff away on those heels,
but, for goodness sake,
Don't let it get into the wrong hands
or the kitchen!!

oh, cleaning!

2009-04-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with housework that you just don't even know where to begin? That's where I am today. Laundry....one of the constants in my life....is at least somewhat under control. Thank God that my hubby will do a load here and there and lots more than that if I'm away from home. But, the rest is just making me want to run and scream right now.
Today, I had plans to get up, clean the house and enjoy the rest of the day doing whatever we wanted...because it's still Spring Break for us.
Well, I remembered the Hannah Montana movie was in theatres so...I did what any fun Mom would do. Scrapped the housework plans and headed for the flick with my 2 oldest girls.
When we came home, that was it. I was going to focus and get to cleaning. However, my phone rang. It was my darling friend inviting my family to join hers at the beach for some tide pooling fun and snacks. How could I pass that up? I didn't.
I just finished the dishes and remembered that I stripped Maggie's bed this morning. UGH!! I hate when I do that! I never like to change sheets, but I most dislike it at 8:00 at night! Solution? Sleepover in Kourtney's room!!
See, that's just the fun kind of Mom I am.
Cleaning and scrubbing will wait 'til tomorrow!
Or the next day.
You never know how fun I may have to be!!

I see who I wanna be.....

2009-04-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just sit and look at these 3 beautiful girls of mine and shake my head. How on earth did I get so blessed? They really are amazing.
Beautiful. Funny. Smart. Compassionate. Generous. Forgiving. Teachable. Understanding. Wise. Cute. Friendly. Energetic. Silly. Creative. Responsible. Respectful. Kind. Patient. Diligent. Merciful. Lovable.
I never even begin to pretend that my kids are perfect. Sadly, I tend to err on the other side. I want for them to behave and I can be hard on them sometimes. However, as I think about the great people that they are and that they are becoming, I just sit back and smile. What a bunch of neat people God has blessed me with! They forgive my imperfections, (and trust me, as a home school family...they see them all!) they learn from their own mistakes, and really do just enjoy life. I have so much to learn from them and I'm SO GRATEFUL!!!
I'm sure you've heard this song a bunch of times...but, I can't help singing it today as I think about my blessings!
It's In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride....I just love it!!
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Rain

2009-04-05T21:40:00.001-07:00

Okay, well, I'm realizing that I must seem like such an obnoxious mom...constantly talking about how cute my daughter is. Since the couple of readers I have on here actually know Jacklyn, I shouldn't feel the need to apologize. However, I am sorry. I don't want to be one of "those" kind of moms!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted to write that post I mentioned a while ago on rain. I heard something great that made so much sense to me that I wanted to share it on here. A friend of mine and I were talking about how so often circumstances can change our mood (or our week, day, etc.) It can be someone else's response to us, it can be our finances, our job, our weight, our appearance, etc. Outside things can affect us negatively.
We talked about rain and had 3 different scenarios:
If you were inside your house, safe and sound....snuggled up under a blanket, reading a good book and it started raining outside....how much would it affect you? For me, the answer was not much.
Now, imagine you are planning a beautiful, outdoor wedding. On the day of the event, huge rain clouds fill the sky and dump down on you just as you are getting ready to say your vows. I think it's safe to assume that in that instance, rain ruined your day and you wouldn't be able to quickly get over it.
Lastly, you are a farmer. Your sole source of income is from your crops and there has been a terrible drought for the past year. Finally, the rain begins to pour from the heavens and you are given a renewed sense of hope. Rain has saved your livelihood and there is no greater joy in all the world.
In each one of these instances, RAIN was the factor. Rain, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. It has everything to do with how we perceive it. Quite often our own outside circumstances are the same way. We can choose to either let them ruin our lives (or at least our day) OR we can find the good in them. At the very least, we can just watch the circumstances come and go and not get overly concerned about them.
Personally, I want to find joy in all things. I have a long, long, LONG way to go here...but, it is a goal of mine. I want to look for the blessing instead of constantly stressing out, worrying and being fearful when things don't turn out as I had planned.
This past weekend, I feel like I've learned some things about myself that are not the best. I want to be in control, I can be very competitive, very distrusting, insecure and self-protective. Bleck! I see it all and really want to change. I guess for me, the best thing I can do for now is continue practicing living in the moment. I want to stop fearing the future (which I can't control anyway) and just let that rain roll right off of me. For goodness sake, I may even start looking for rainbows! :)
I'm not sure you followed this or that I was able to put it into writing as I heard it...but, if so, I hope it's helpful.

cute!!

2009-03-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

I asked Jacklyn today, "Why are you so cute?!"

She answered with, "Why not?!"

Oh goodness!!! I really don't think she knows what "why not" means (did I mention that she's only 21 months?) but....MAN!! She cracks me up!!

got a million of 'em!

2009-03-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

Little Jacklyn is so funny!! I really need to jot down all the stinkin' cute things she says. We think we'll always remember, but...really, when they're older and not saying the cutest things, we can't recall everything that melted us when they were tiny. So....here's a quick one for the day!

Jacklyn has a bad diaper rash. She needed diaper cream and as I was getting her ready for bed last night, I was talking about what I was doing.

She said, "Show me see, Mommy! Show me see ice cream for my bom bom."

Hilarious!! I have more....so, tune in. I may stink at blogging every day, but I do know that I can type a quick post with funny jacky-isms!!

time for some thoughts

2009-03-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

I feel like I must write a few thoughts down before they get lost in the whirlwind of my mind. Seriously. Things come and go in there and by the end of the day, I forget. We are NOT in Kansas any more!! Deeply spiritual thoughts, silly, witty thoughts, new resolves and funny quotes from my kids. Doesn't matter what it is, when all is said and done, and it's about 6:00 pm, all I can think about is, "How soon 'til bedtime?!" Focusing on writing anything down is gone. I do my best thinking in the morning. However, when I only get up in time to swig some coffee, zip through a Bible study lesson (NOT how I want to do things!), and then shower and start school, I don't take the time to blog. For some unknown reason, I've got a little extra time today. Maybe it's because it's Saturday and my girls are actually sleeping in for once. Praise the Living God!! Okay....lots of random comma usage and run on sentences and incomplete sentences here...but, oh well. Back to my list of thoughts!

1.) I need to slow down. My life is so great. These kiddos of mine are fantastic. My husband is awesome. My Mom, my sisters and their families all live relatively nearby and I want more time with them all!! (Okay, I spend all my time with my kids.) Jeff's family is in Oregon....It's been forever since we've been up there. My dad and Diane are in Florida....we've never been! Jodee and Mike are in Hawaii...let's go!!! Plus, I also want to see old friends more and just HANG OUT!!!
Anyway, I've just read in the Beth Moore Patriarchs Bible study about how in this day and age so many of us are turning into minimalists. Not in a good way. We do several things...more than we can actually really handle...but we don't do them excellently. I want to slow down, savor the moment, and LIVE my life. If I could pick how to spend each day (which we all can, somewhat) I would laugh more with my girls, rather than rush them and act obviously stressed and annoyed. I would read with them more, snuggle them more and look into their eyes. I want to listen more and bark orders less. I would slow down and be more present when I'm with Jeff. I would cut things from our daily schedule and GO and see my mom and sisters more often. Events and schedules are just things...they are my loves and I really want to make time with them (and friends) more of a priority.
All of this sounds like a New Year's resolution or something. But, it's not. It is just my heart and what is on my mind right now. These are things I am purposing to change! Okay, so a resolution of sorts...A March 14th resolution. =)

2.) My very good friend and I just spoke about something super profound! We talked about rain and how rain, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. I want to remember to blog about this more. Doesn't make sense here, but I promise it will. I just had to write it so that I'd be more likely to come back to it.

3.) George Muller. Wow! I mentioned him in another post a while ago. SUCH an amazing man of faith! He believed that God heard his prayers and answered them. There are so many little stories all within the YWAM biography of this man's life. They are life-changing and I really think every Christian should read that book! As I read it, it totally resonated with me. Like, "Oh yeah! I used to have more faith than I do now!" I recognized MY God in that book and longed for more faith! I think that as a mom, I have tried to figure things out more and prayed less. I have worried and brainstormed when really, all I needed to do is give it to God! *Blessed are the poor in spirit.* I am blessed when I realize that I can't do this life on my own. I NEED God!!

4.) God's presence. You know....I keep being reminded of this. It all started a few months ago when I was being especially grumpy. Who me?! I know, that must be what you're thinking. But, alas, it's true. I had some pretty hateful thoughts going through my head and out of the blue (or maybe black in this case), I felt God gently remind me that...uh...He's very aware of my thoughts. GULP! So, time and time again...usually in a way that startles me back into shape, I am aware of His presence. I am glad, though. I mean, what a jerk I'd be if I was only outwardly being nice. God knows my thoughts, my attitudes and my motives. I LOVE that about Him. I can be super mean, selfish and ugly....but, I sure am glad I can't get away with it!! I want to be changed. I want to be refined. When that happens, the heat is turned up and all the worst in me is brought up. I think God brings it up in order to get it out.

Okay....well, that's the thoughts for now.

forget it!

2009-03-10T20:51:00.001-07:00

Well, I've decided that I'll post as often as I can in March. The daily pressure to be inspired was getting to me. So, yes, I am writing to say that I may not be writing. I love the "give" theme and have a few thoughts a brewin'. However, I'm too tired to try to make sense out of those thoughts tonight. See you....um...soon.

a gift

2009-03-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

Wow! Listening to Paul Young, author of The Shack was incredible!
ONE of the many nuggets of truth that I took home was about grace.
He talked about living in the grace for each day.
THAT is the grace God has given us.
So, again, I got the message.
Do not worry about tomorrow (or the next day or even the next hour.)
God has given us the grace to get through this moment.
That's all we've got.
This moment.
I can worry with the best of 'em.
However, it won't do me a drop of good.
God is so in control.
He's got each thing mapped out and
He doesn't need my help or my concern.
I take such comfort in that grace.
Grace = Rest

gimme some skin

2009-03-06T21:17:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday, Maggie was putting her laundry away.
Not a task she ever enjoys.
She normally sighs, slumps her shoulders and tries not to complain too much.
(so that I won't lecture her, I'm sure.)
But, not yesterday.
She was cheerfully putting away her laundry.
I was in her room, putting away Jacklyn's.
Then, she stopped and said,
"Mommy, thank you for folding all of these."
I just about croaked!
I guess I looked just as surprised as I felt.
Really, have you ever known me NOT to be an open book with my emotions?
I said, "Wow, Mags, your welcome. Thanks for thanking me!"
Then, she said, "Well, you DO do pretty much all of the work around here."
To that, I just marched right up to her and said,
"Gimme some skin, girl!"
Gotta love that kid!!

*and you gotta love that "give" post for the March theme, eh?

living in my now

2009-03-05T21:18:00.000-08:00

Wow...I have to say that being off the computer for 24 hours wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be! I did catch myself ALMOST going to check my email, my facebook or some blogs several different times. They are my most constant form of communication. However, I didn't give in. In fact, I believe it was more like 25 hours. I'm pretty proud of myself!
Today, I gave up worrying. Sounds like a great idea, doesn't it? Maybe this one will stick. I sure hope so. But, I won't worry about that. A friend of mine encouraged me to really live in my present moment. I can't tell you how helpful that is! I was worrying about a bunch of things. None of which I can control and most importantly, none of which are happening right now!
Living in the moment has caused the biggest sense of gratitude!! I start to worry or fret about some future event.....or just our future in general, and then force myself to stop. I look at my current situation, my 3 amazing girls who I am allowed to hang out with every day. For an amazing husband who loves me. For a home and for living in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. I can't help but feel thankful.
My heart is instantly transformed and I just thank God for all that He is and for all that He has done for me. What an incredible tool this is!
I have also been reading the YWAM biography book on George Muller. Life changing. I'm sure I'll write more on that soon, but the main thing I am being reminded of in his story is how God DOES answer prayer!!
So, I am working on living in the moment, but I am also remembering to quickly turn my worry into prayer....fully, completely believing that God answers my prayers and I can trust all of my concerns with Him. He wouldn't tell us to pray if He didn't want to hear and answer.
My heart is encouraged and I am looking forward to seeing what God does with it all!

giving up

2009-03-04T09:21:00.000-08:00

okay...so, for the next 24 hours I am giving up computer time.
this may very well do me in.
I just know that I spend waaaaay too much time on here.
I will focus my time on my girls.
See you in 24 hours!!!

a break

2009-03-03T09:53:00.000-08:00

Lookie here...March 3 and I skipped yesterday. :)
I guess I will GIVE myself a break!
Life is so full and, well, busy, with 3 little girls,
with homeschooling,
with chasing a 1 and a half year old,
with taking the 11 and 9 year olds to:
piano, swimming, babysitting a friend's kids,
and celebrating a dear 3 year old's birthday.
Oh...and don't forget the daily walking of our neighbor's dog,
laundry, meals, dishes, and just the general STUFF that
fills up a regular day.
Yesterday was quite full!
Today I really was thinking about what I would give myself.

Yesterday, I wanted to give myself a break. (not in the best sense of the word.)
I was ready to quit.
I wondered why I should subject these darling girls of mine
to the mood swings, hormonal shifts and general sense of being overwhelmed....of their Mommy. Seriously, can this really be good for any of us?
I thought that it would be in their best interest (and mine) to get a break from it all.
Then, reality set in.
My oldest will be in middle school next year. (I realized that as I drove by the local public school....sort of the shock that I needed to get me out of my daydream of said "break".)
I couldn't see myself sending my baby (I know...she's 11!) off to middle school. Sweet, tender, compassionate girl. What would become of her?!
The break I thought would be so great....for them and me....turned into a bit of a heartbreak when I thought about it.
I would feel horribly guilty, full of regret and sad.
I don't think I'd be getting much of a break at all.
I look at how we homeschool and how some days go and I get really down on myself.
These girls are soooo capable!
They are smart, intelligent and creative.
Some days we just get enough done to check off a box and call it school.
Those days are actually filled with learning of LOTS of other kinds...yet, I tend to be really hard on myself.
We spend so much time talking about character, about life lessons, about faith, about problem-solving, friends, family and God's will.
Those are not things that can be checked off of any "To-Do List" that I currently have.
Other days, like yesterday, we get every school subject done. I can be a bit of a task master. I can order these girls around with the best drill sargent imaginable. The subjects are covered, but what did I really teach them?
Uh oh....I feel the lump in my throat swelling.
I am afraid I taught them that emotions can be the boss of me.
That they sometimes have to walk on egg shells with their Mommy because you never know when she's going to blow.
I taught them that when they argue with me over which Math problems to complete, Mommy may very well turn that into a 10 minute lecture on respect (that probably was heard, "blah, blah, blah).
I, frankly, had a really hard morning yesterday.....and I want to berrate myself for it.
However....I must say that this story has a happy ending!
PRAISE THE LORD!
The single most important thing that I hope that I taught my girls yesterday is that God gives grace to the humble.
That we are never too old (or in too important of a position...ie...Mom, teacher)
to ask for forgiveness, to humble ourselves, and to change course mid-stream.
My day....and subsequently their day....started off pretty rough.
Through the power of God's Word (which I ran to), and through prayer, our day quickly did a 180!!!
We were able to enjoy each other's company.
We were able to laugh together, and we all had some wrongs to admit.
I know I'm sort of rambling on and on here...but I think you get the point.
Sometimes the break I need to give myself is just a break....I can not be perfect. I can not do everything....but, I also don't need to quit or give up when the going gets rough.
That is bound to happen again.....in fact, I guarantee it....I've been homeschooling for 6 years and it certainly has happened in the past. However, yesterday felt different. In a good way.
Today, I'm giving myself a break.
I will blow it, like yesterday.
I will want a break (from all humans on the planet.)
And I will pick myself back up and start again.
Whew!
Thank the Lord for Lamentations 3:21-23...."Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed. His mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!!"

blessed

2009-03-01T16:45:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here listening to my two youngest daughters play and giggle and sing in the tiny coat closet that they have turned into a FUN play room. (All 3 x 5 feet of it.) A flashlight has been hung from the top and they are having the time of their lives!

So...giving....the theme for March blogs that I'm trying to do....hmmmm....

What comes to mind is this: I want to give my children the gift of endless imagination, laughter, sillyness and fun. I want to give them security, love, safety and peace. (And so much more!)

The funny thing is, that as I sit and think of what I'd like to give to them, I realize the immeasurable gifts that they give to me! To name a few: joy, warmth, purpose, love (OH the love!), and child-like wonder. This list could go on all day.

I have been given so many blessings and today I'm focusing on my kids. I imagine lots of days that's what I'll talk about here. I am richly blessed and I am so grateful!!!

more perfume making at our house

2009-02-28T21:12:00.000-08:00

These girls of mine....oh, how I love them. Their favorite thing to do when a friend is over is to create new perfume scents. Today, they were at it again.
First, they collect their ingredients:

Next, a little mashing (and a little posing for the camera)

They let it sit for a few hours (or minutes...depending on their patience level)And....then we have the finished product! Perfume...super adorable in these vintage Strawberry Shortcake spice jars:

A GREAT time was had by all!!

March Blogging

2009-02-27T13:53:00.000-08:00

I'm going to attempt to blog every day for the month of March.
We'll see.
I love NaBloPoMo....and here is their theme for March:

The theme for March blogging is GIVING (UP). If you choose to blog on the theme, you can write about what you give to your friends, your job, your world, or yourself every day. That "up" in parentheses gives you the option to also write about things you're throwing out, quitting, recycling, or eliminating from your life right now.

Sounded like an interesting topic and with 31 days....I bet I'll be able to come up with SOMETHING!

Tune in...today is only Feb. 27....so I have 2 days to get creative.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

Ccccccold Swim Meet

splish splash

2009-02-10T07:13:00.001-08:00

The other night, Jacklyn took care of business.
I started filling up the bathtub for her.
I ran out to the kitchen or laundry room for just a minute.
When I was walking back toward the bathroom,
I heard her call out,
"I got it! I got it!"
Hmm....what did she get??
I went into the bathroom to see her....
sitting in the tub, fully clothed.

She DID take her shoes and socks off, though.

What a little nut.
I love her so much.
But, I better not leave her alone for a second!!

Etch A Sketch

2009-01-25T14:17:00.000-08:00

This morning, I was consumed.
Not in a good way.
I was thinking about sin.
I was thinking about selfishness.
I was thinking about me.
I couldn't move on in my thoughts.
I prayed and told God how I wanted more.
I wanted to see more of Him in my life.
But...I was consumed with me.
Why did I make dumb choices in the past?
Why did I allow insecurity to be my guide?
How could I erase "history" and never look back?
I was sick of having my default always
go to self-centered crap.
Hey...God knows my thoughts anyway...
I guess it won't hurt to type it.
Anyway, suddenly I got a picture in my mind.
It was of an Etch A Sketch.
As if God was reminding me
of His love,
of His forgiveness
and His grace.
As far as the east is from the west...
My sins, my selfishness, my stupid self...
Gone.
Without a trace.
Just like an Etch A Sketch.
You can't ever get the picture back.
He isn't hanging onto all the dumb things I've done.
He forgets.
I need to, too.
Then....as if that picture in my mind wasn't enough,
my pastor actually said the very same thing
this morning at church!!!
He read Col. 1:21-22 and then said,
"Your sins are erased...
Just like an Etch A Sketch."
I'm not kidding.
Isn't that so cool??

Satisfy My Soul

2009-01-07T06:29:00.000-08:00

A dear friend of mine always has a theme for each year.
For 2009, I decided that I'd like to come up with one of those myself.
I took a good look inside of me to see what I thought that should be.
My greatest need ~always~ is living loved.
I've got to just stop looking to any human to fill my cavernous love hole.
God is all that I need.
He is the real deal.
Any other type of filling will leave me wanting.
So, I came across the verse Psalm 90:14, "Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days."
That verse hit the nail on the head!
I need to be satisfied with Him alone....then I can sing for joy and be glad all my days.
Worry consumes me sometimes.
As does insecurity.
Boy, wouldn't I love this verse (along with the other 24 verses I'm memorizing this year) to just knock out the worry and insecurity that, up until this point, have been so much a part of who I am!!!
I'm looking forward to seeing God satisfy my soul with His love!
This song by Joann Rosario and Donnie McClurkin is my theme song!! Google it, download it.....sing (for joy) along with me!!

Satisfy My Soul
//Saciame senor con lo mejor del cielo
Saciame senor con la grosura de tu amor//

Mi alma desfallece por tu presencia
Mi alma desfallece por tu poder
Mi alma desfallece por tu gloria

///Saciame senor/// con tu amor

//Satisfy my soul with the best of heaven
Satisfy my soul with the Fullness of your love//

My soul faints after you, seeking your presence
My soul faints after you, seeking your power
My soul faints after you seeking your glory

///satisfy my soul/// with your love

24 in 2009

2009-01-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
I'm determined for this year to get off to a great start.
I'm going to do it the right way and get my head in the Word!
I was over at Beth Moore's LPM Blog and was so inspired to get some scripture committed to memory in 2009! She put out a challenge to all of her readers to memorize 2 scriptures a month in 2009. We'll post the scripture we feel led to memorize in a blog comment on the 1st and the 15th of each month.
I've decided that I'll also post them on here so that I can journal a little about why I am choosing that scripture. Beth reminded us that so many of our problems start...and CAN end....in the mind. If we have God's word in there, plastered over the walls of our mind, our own thoughts (that can be so destructive) won't prevail....the Word of God will!!
So, my first verse for 2009 is this:
Jeremiah 33:3 (NIV) "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know."
Oh how I long to hear His voice more!! I would love to have Him tell me some great and unsearchable things! I need to remember to call to Him and not rely on my own devices when I'm stressed, in trouble, sad, afraid, etc! A simple truth but one I need to be reminded of constantly! So, there it is. I'll memorize Jeremiah 33:3 first.
I am really looking forward to calling to Him and having Him speak to me...even having Him direct me to which verse to memorize next!! If you want to do this too, go check out Beth's blog...but also let me know! I'd love to know what verses you're memorizing, too. This will be such an awesome source of encouragement.

baby jeesia photo

2008-12-13T20:12:00.000-08:00

just had to show a photo about my last post.

say what?!

2008-12-10T06:15:00.000-08:00

There are some things you just never think you'll hear yourself say.
Once they come out of your mouth, you're shocked, just like everyone else.
Well, I've got a good one for you.
We have a little magnetic nativity on our fridge.
It has small-ish pieces, but no choking hazards for our 1 year old.
She loves playing with it, especially with baby Jesus
(whom she calls "Baby Jeesia" for some reason.)
Yesterday, she was full of sass!
She was caught doing all sorts of semi-naughty things all day.
Well, in the evening, she and I were in the kitchen.
She was playing with the nativity magnets and I was doing dishes.
Suddenly, she got the idea to throw the magnets all around the kitchen...
especially baby Jesus.
One got stuck under the fridge and was hard to get out.
I laid down the law and told her she could play with them, but not to throw them.
She looked right at me and threw baby Jesus.
"Oh no you didn't!" was my response.
I gave her another chance.
And probably a few more....too many.
Finally, she sat in time out for being disobedient.
When we came back into the kitchen, after time out,
I said, "Okay, you can play but NO MORE THROWING BABY JESUS!"
That just makes me laugh to hear it out loud.
"NO MORE THROWING BABY JESUS!"
priceless parenting moment.

Interview

2008-12-06T07:37:00.000-08:00

This was a wonderful writing prompt that my 4th grade teacher husband had for his class. I can't tell you how hilarious some of the questions were! We had a good laugh at some of them (like Mary, did you have hair extensions? and Wise Men, were you really wise? How much were your gifts worth? oh, and...Mary, did you have a little lamb?)but, also enjoyed some of the thought-provoking questions as well. I did this with my girls, too. If you decide to do this little writing...let me know. It's fun to see what questions there are. Here's the assignment:

*Imagine that you have been given the chance to interview one or more of the major characters of the Christmas Story. What sort of things might you ask? Write your interview questions with Mary, Joseph, the Wise Men, the Inn Keeper, the Angel and/or others.*

This could very well be a new tradition we start in our home. Dating and saving these for years to come will be a fun memory!

If I could ask Mary any question I'd want to know if she was nervous about mothering the Son of God? I think there is so much pressure in this day and age to raise godly children. Can you even think of how Mary must've felt? Maybe I'm projecting too much here. Surely, she knew that the Holy Spirit started this thing...maybe she had the faith to believe that God would see her through all the parenting years as well.

Enjoy this writing prompt....either yourself or with your kids!!

my extra cash

2008-12-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to share with you how I made a little extra cash today!! I have tons of books at home. I'm sure most people have books on hand that they really don't read or need. (Especially homeschool moms!!) I went to Amazon and posted a few books for sale. I did this about 2 weeks ago.
Today, in my inbox, there was an email from Amazon telling me that I can expect a $15deposit into my bank account within 3-5 business days. Yay! That's awesome....especially during these hard economic times...and during the holidays! I was thrilled.
So, go clean out your bookshelves. See if you have something that you're willing to sell and get on Amazon! What a fun way to make a little extra cash!!

Need some step by step help?
Go to Amazon.com and type the name of your book in the search. When your book comes up, you'll notice on the right hand side of the screen it says, "More Buying Choices...have one to sell? Sell yours here." Click on that little button and they just walk you right on through it. Happy Selling!!

sunday

2008-11-23T21:05:00.000-08:00

what a great day!
snuggles
playing
dog walk
movie (journey to the center of the earth)
baked potatoes
another dog walk
play at the park
chicken & rice
yummy homemade pie
crafting
music
laughing
sleep!

playdates

2008-11-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

How fun! Tonight my big girls are over at some friends' house having a super fun playdate. They had a pizza party and then I'm pretty sure that "Homeschool Musical", their little band, was going to have a big practice. Later, they were going to bake cookies. I think the evening was going to end with watching High School Musical. What fun.
Well, here on the home front, little Miss 16-month-old is also having a playdate. Her little 2 year old friend is over for a few hours. We're having great big fun of our own. They've played with just about every toy we have and watched a video....among all kinds of other fun. What a fun night!

good!

2008-11-21T12:25:00.000-08:00

Remember my "appalling" post? Well, good news!! The Nebraska governor signed the safe-haven age limit bill today!!

Just had to post an update. Sheesh! What a nightmare that whole thing was. I am still so sad for the 35 kids who were abandoned. What must they be going through. Makes a little sleep deprivation pale in comparison. I can change the focus of my prayers to them.

sleep status update

2008-11-21T06:48:00.000-08:00

Hmm...well, maybe a little too good to be true with my last post. She woke up again an hour after I put her down. She cried out for me in her room, but I sent in Daddy! Jeff was in and out of there a couple times and she would cry and stop crying. It took about a half hour. She was out by 10:00pm. She didn't sleep through the night but she did only wake up once. She was up from 2:15 to 2:45. Not too bad for this girl. I know I'm giving way more details than anyone needs...but, that's kinda how I roll. :) Keep up the prayers, please. Tonight could be harder. That's how I seem to remember the nap time thing going. Day 2 was the worst.

I'll keep you posted.
You know I will.

woo hoo!!!

2008-11-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is amazing!!

I worried for nothing! Remember when I had struggles getting Jacklyn to put herself to sleep at nap time? Well, tonight we tackled bed time. I was mentally prepared for it to take an hour or more. Guess how long it took? ONLY about 10 minutes! Isn't that wonderful? Now, my hope is that she'll start learning that she can easily put herself to sleep, even at night, and that she will no longer wake up in the middle of the night. It's been every single hour some nights lately. That is just not okay. I'm in desperate need of sleep. Maybe I should go get some now. I think I have to settle down a bit first. I'm SOOO excited that she's out and that it was easier than I ever imagined!!!

over and out.

toto joy

2008-11-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

My little girl is a supermodel!! A good friend of mine is starting a baby leg warmer business. She is already wildly successful with her baby carrier company and this is a new adventure for her. Guess who she chose as her cover model? Yep. That's right. My little Jacklyn is a supermodel extraordinaire!!

Grandma

2008-11-18T20:46:00.000-08:00

I'm really missing my Grandma today.

Oh the Lord's Been Good to Me!

2008-11-17T12:43:00.000-08:00

I've got the Johnny Appleseed song stuck in my head right at this moment!!
Oh, the Lord's been good to me
And so I thank the Lord
For giving me the things I need,
The sun, the rain
and the apple seed.
Oh, the Lord's been good to me.

I was in a funk this weekend. It was such a bummer. I started worrying about things that I should've been praying about. I'm sure someone can relate with that.
The weather was (as you may have read in my previous post) amazingly beautiful. Some people argue that at this time of year (about 2 weeks 'til Thanksgiving) we should be enjoying some crisp, cool autumn weather. However, God saw fit to give us warmer-than-summer temps this November and I'm certainly not going to complain about that! I must say, though, that even with my long walks in the sunshine with Gracie dog, I allowed a shadow of fear, anxiety and doubt to crowd out my joy. It wasn't pretty.
This morning--oh, aren't we so glad that His mercies are new every.single.morning?!--God reminded me of a wonderful truth that I learned in a Beth Moore Bible study. We act on that which we believe. I was kicked in the pants by that reminder today and embraced this new day with a fresh attitude. I moved forward, believing that my God will supply all of our needs according to HIS riches and glory.
I shared this with my daughters...even apologized for my grumpy attitude over the weekend.
To make a long story short, we received a generous gift today. It brought me to tears. Not ONLY because God showed up and provided for us in yet another miraculous way, but because it was AFTER I decided to actively believe Him and shared it with my girls. Their faith is growing right along with mine and I am so grateful!!

is this November?!

2008-11-15T19:44:00.000-08:00

Today was 75 degrees here on the Monterey Peninsula!! It was beautiful and lovely and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The big girls had swim team practice this morning, Jacklyn and I walked Gracie (our doggie) and then Gracie got a bath with the hose out front. The hose was just too fun....so all 3 girls spent a little time playing in the water.

Is this really November? Crazy.

I love it.

appalling!!

2008-11-13T22:28:00.000-08:00

I'm not normally one to post any news stories, but this one's got me so upset I just can't remain silent! Have you read about Nebraska's Safe Haven Law? This is absolutely horrible! Think of the teenagers, the 10, 11, 12 year olds here who know.what.is.going.on!!! It is deplorable that any mother would abandon a baby in a dumpster and I understand the law was originally passed to offer a safe place for mothers who could not take care of their newborns....but children of all ages being dropped of by parents who are simply "done"?! Oh, I just can't believe it! What a wacked out society we live in! I understand that parents may be frustrated or dealing with very real and serious issues with their children. I just would so much rather see them get help through social workers, counselors, pastors...anyone....rather than blatantly reject their kids in this way. I hope the law changes soon. Like, tomorrow! People are rushing to drop off their kids like it's a going out of business sale at Mervyns since they've heard that the law will soon be changing. Oh, Lord help them! This is sad and infuriates me like you wouldn't believe!!

sick day

2008-11-13T14:39:00.000-08:00

Well, my sweet little Jacklyn has a bit of a fever today. She's had a runny nose this week, but was in a great mood and actually doing a LITTLE better with the sleeping at night. This morning, however, she was feeling crummy. She wanted to sit on the couch to watch her movie (Cedarmont Kids) and when I went to check on her just 5 minutes later, this is what I found.

Poor little punkin! I ended up scooping her up, wearing her in a front pack and going with Kourtney and Maggie to walk their little doggie friend. Oh, responsibilities! Such good girls they are, though. I'm glad they didn't shirk just because Mommy wanted to stay home with little sweetie pie. She actually stayed asleep in the front pack for about 35 minutes! We came home, ate lunch and played a bit and then she went down for her normal nap. She needs the extra rest and I'm sure she'll feel better soon. Funny, though. Even though this is kid #3 for me, I wondered if I should take her in to the doctor or not. Could it be an ear infection? Perhaps it's just a cold....with a fever. There's always teething. Ug! ALWAYS teething!! She's getting a couple new ones, I believe. Anyway, for today, we didn't go to the doctor. I'm trusting that she'll just be fine in a couple days.

when mother reads aloud

2008-11-12T22:24:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite practices in homeschooling is reading aloud to my girls. I don't think they (or I) will ever outgrow it. It is such a tender and bonding time. Some days I scrap it for our busy schedule. The days I don't, however, are always just a little bit sweeter. We love the time spent together, escaping into a book. It's even better than reading alone....we get to go on the adventures together. Well, today, Kourtney was reading to me out of a book of poetry. (Gosh, I love poetry! I'm trying to get my girls to like it, too.) Here's a fantastic poem she read. I had to share it here!

When Mother Reads Aloud

When Mother reads aloud, the past
Seems real as every day;
I hear the tramp of armies vast,
I see the spears and lances cast,
I join the thrilling fray;
Brave knights and ladies fair and proud
I meet when Mother reads aloud.
When Mother reads aloud, far lands
Seem very near and true;
I cross the deserts’ gleaming sands,
Or hunt the jungle’s prowling bands,
Or sail the ocean blue.
Far heights, whose peaks the cold mists shroud,
I scale, when Mother reads aloud.

When Mother reads aloud, I long
For noble deeds to do...
To help the right, redress the wrong;
It seems so easy to be strong,
So simple to be true.
Oh, thick and fast the visions crowd
My eyes, when Mother reads aloud.

- Author Unknown

silly mags

2008-11-11T22:51:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty tired tonight. I have a baby literally climbing me as I attempt to post a quick blog. I just want to do one a day for the month (I didn't start on the first) and have already, inadvertently, missed a day.

So...for the quick blog. We had beans and corn bread for dinner last night. Today, we ate leftovers for lunch. As we were eating, Maggie gets this excited look on her face and says, "Do you know what this reminds me of?!"
Curious, I asked her, "What?"
I was expecting some great memory or something profound.
"Last night!" was her answer.

Silly girl. I love her.

Who's Your Daddy?

2008-11-10T20:41:00.000-08:00

Who’s Your Daddy?
Isaiah 51:11-16
11 The ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
12 "I, even I, am he who comforts you.
Who are you that you fear mortal men,
the sons of men, who are but grass,
13 that you forget the LORD your Maker,
who stretched out the heavens
and laid the foundations of the earth,
that you live in constant terror every day
because of the wrath of the oppressor,
who is bent on destruction?
For where is the wrath of the oppressor?
14 The cowering prisoners will soon be set free;
they will not die in their dungeon,
nor will they lack bread.
15 For I am the LORD your God,
who churns up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD Almighty is his name.
16 I have put my words in your mouth
and covered you with the shadow of my hand—
I who set the heavens in place,
who laid the foundations of the earth,
and who say to Zion, 'You are my people.' "

When have you gone through a hard time or had a problem and you called on Jesus to help you? What happened? We need to remember the times that He has helped us so that our faith grows. Without those reminders, the devil likes to try to come in and make us think God never answers prayer and that we are alone. It says in verse 13 that they lived in constant terror every day. We want to live in constant victory every day! The devil would love for us to forget how great our God is. He’d like us to think that we have to do this all on our own.
*Write down a time (one or more) that you can remember God helping you with a problem. Hold onto that, stick it in your Bible or put it somewhere in your room where you can see it often. Remember who it is you are praying to!! Who’s your Daddy?
See the verse at the bottom of the card? I Peter 5:6-7. 6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Humble yourselves…remember that you aren’t God, but that you need God. And, that you belong to God! Also, to cast means to fling or to pitch/throw. When Kourtney and Maggie were little I showed them what this meant with laundry. I was putting away clean socks and had a bunch of them. We tossed them into the room and shut the door. The socks represented our problems, the room represented God and then we shut the door….not looking at our problems again, not taking them back.
So, remember who your Daddy is. He is able to give you peace, to fix your problems and to help you in ways even better than you can ever imagine!!

a few of my favorite things

2008-11-09T21:34:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a minute to list some things I'm grateful for. These won't be in any certain order and I'm sure I'll forget to name some really important ones....but...I just wanted to make a list of things to be thankful for as Thanksgiving nears and I'm feeling sad (and not thankful at all) that my sister Jenny and her family won't be joining my sister Michelle, her family and my family at the table this year. :( So, here goes...I'm thankful:

for a Heavenly Father who is so real and takes me as I am...always.
for warm autumn days that begin so chilly in the morning.
for yummy coffee and a great Bible study to start off my day.
for baby Jacklyn kisses....anywhere, anytime.
for good communication with my husband.
for great talks with my daughters.
for laughter.
for comfy slippers.
for days when I don't HAVE to be anywhere.
for good friends.
for chips and salsa (anytime, anywhere.)
for chocolate mint desserts.
for those who have gone before me and help me in my quest to be a good mommy.
for a husband who still likes me after all these years.
for a husband I really like after all these years. :)
for great literature.
for silly picture books.
for home education.
for baby toys all over the floor.
for hsm3 in the theatre with my girls.
for itunes and facebook and skype and email and cell phones and home phones.
for a warm bed and a semi-fluffy pillow that I will be going to soon.

pigtails and rooney

2008-11-08T07:15:00.000-08:00

This week has been a fun one! The big girls have a new little job. They have to walk this cute puppy named Rooney. We went every day this week and our dog, Gracie enjoyed going for the walks, too. In other news, Jacklyn wore pigtails for the first time. Adorable!!

2008-11-06T20:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I am just utterly blown away by God's goodness! He is always good...it's just that I'm not always paying attention to the details as much as I should. This week, I'm looking out and looking up and I can't get over how good He is!!
The weather has been lovely,
the birds have been singing (we watched a huge hawk fly down and land on a branch near us on our walk today),
we are loved by an amazing family,
we have incredible friends,
we have a safe, secure roof over our heads...and the price is right,
we live close to the beach and not far from the mountains,
my husband is employed and actually loves his job,
I get to spend all day, every day with my 3 lovely daughters,
I love my dog.
Like I said, some days I'm just blown away by His goodness in it all....THEN...He goes and one-ups Himself!
Like the old check-in-the-mail surprise trick,
His limitless provision for us....His children,
Miraculous peace in trying times,
the amazing connection/bonding conversations of such tenderness with my girls,
maturity, kindness and joy in the attitudes of those girls,
smart little baby girl....adding new words and phrases to her vocabulary daily,
phone calls at just the right moments,
and let's not overlook the timely Word He's provided from the Good Book!!
I don't know how I'd live this life without my Loving Heavenly Father...I need Him constantly and I'm so in awe of Him!
I'll say it again and again...
What a mighty God we serve!

God Rules

2008-11-05T13:45:00.001-08:00

God sets up kings and deposes them and gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. Daniel 2:21

How incredible to be able to see history unfold right before my very eyes. The girls, Jeff and I all watched the speeches last night and came to the unanimous decision that we are thankful for God's hand in our country. I know many people were thrilled with the 2008 election and many were very disappointed. I can't say that I felt either. I was anxious to see the results. I did vote, but I was fine with the outcome...either way. It will be a tough job to lead this country, especially in our trying economic times. I am filled with peace as I remember that God is still sovereignly ruling on the throne and that in HIM is our trust!!

election day

2008-11-04T14:12:00.000-08:00

Well, Maggie said the cutest thing yesterday.
We were talking about the election and she asked me, "Do you think McCain and Obama are both all packed....just in case they win the election and have to move into the White House?"
I loved it. Good thinking. I love the planning mentality. It IS November, that only gives them 2 months to get moved in and settled!

Oh, I can't wait to see who wins. The suspense is driving me nuts! I refuse to even check the news....we'll be given updates all day, no doubt, but won't know anything for sure until all is said and done. Who will win? What propositions will pass? Which ones will not? Arg! A lesson in patience, I suppose!!

Halloween

2008-11-03T08:13:00.000-08:00

We had a very fun Halloween night! Michelle and Josh (the Cereal Killer) came down and trick or treated with us! As you can see, Maggie was Pippi Longstocking and Jacklyn was a "Jack" Rabbit. :) Kourtney was Martha Washington and she trick or treated with her friend, who was Mary Lincoln. FUN TIMES!! :)

the helper

2008-10-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, I took it again today...in a completely different mood than last time. Here's what I got today. How funny! I guess it really matters what kind of mood you're in when you take these things. The Skeptic hardly had any points this time. Fun Stuff. I love these things!! Truly, I can see myself (the good and the bad) in both!!

The Helper (the Two)
Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me

Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
Share fun times with me.
Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
Let me know that I am important and special to you.
Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships

Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
Reassure me often that you love me.
Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
being generous, caring, and warm
being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

not being able to say no
having low self-esteem
feeling drained from overdoing for others
not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tune in to them
working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
are outwardly compliant
are popular or try to be popular with other children
act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
are often playful with their children
wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
can become fiercely protective

the skeptic...

2008-10-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

My friend sent me a link to a site where you can take a personality test. Ever since my preteen years of magazine quiz taking, I've loved these things! It said to answer honestly from who you really are now and not who you'd like to ideally be. So, that's just what I did...and, guess what my personality "title" was? The Skeptic. Doesn't that just sound awful? I think it does. I clicked on the link to read the description and there, it nicely called me The Questioner. Still...I think that calling people names isn't very nice! :) Here's what it said, and some of it is pretty right on. I'm not a skeptic, though!

The Questioner (the Six)

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be direct and clear.
* Listen to me carefully.
* Don't judge me for my anxiety.
* Work things through with me.
* Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
* Laugh and make jokes with me.
* Gently push me toward new experiences.
* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Six

* being committed and faithful to family and friends
* being responsible and hardworking
* being compassionate toward others
* having intellect and wit
* being a nonconformist
* confronting danger bravely
* being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Six

* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Sixes as Children Often

* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Sixes as Parents

* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
* worry more than most that their children will get hurt
* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

it was good.

2008-10-19T22:43:00.000-07:00

This weekend was fun.
The girls had a sleepover at church.
They went to bed at 1:30 am.
I knew they'd be tired, so we were mellow.
I set up the scrapbooking stuff and let
Them have at it.
They loved it.
I scrapped a page or two myself.
We took a long walk to the
tire swing park. Just the girls,
Gracie Dog and me.
I made little biscuit pizzas,
tortilla soup and lots of messes.
I did a 10-second-tidy here and there,
but no real house cleaning this weekend.
We enjoyed church and home group today.
Jeff worked hard on homework all weekend
and got lots done.
Jacklyn came through with a few new words.
"Moose" when she wanted me to move.
She told Maggie to stop and there were
a few new nice words mixed in there, too.
I'm tired and need to be ready for a
new week of school and activities.
I just had to blog because it was such a
great weekend. I wasn't a perfectionist,
and it really felt good!
I've got a long way to go, but this
was a great start!!

i'm weak

2008-10-02T07:42:00.001-07:00

Do you ever wake up just glad that the previous day is behind you, for crying out loud? Sheesh, I sure do! Although I woke up several times today, (thank you, teething baby) this morning was wrought with promise. Promise of a brand new, shiny morning where I can relax, get in the Word and exhale some of my stress from yesterday.
What was I thinking, scheduling a hair appointment right exactly at Jacklyn's nap time? Oh, not just any old day...but on a Wednesday. Wednesdays are crazy enough for me. We drive into Watsonville for Enrichment Day and then stick around until after church at night....around 9:00 p.m. We arrived at the hair appointment EARLY by the way. As I was sitting, getting gorgeous (is that a stretch?)I could hear my wonderful big girls playing nicely with Jacklyn AND getting school work done. It was perfect. Well, perfect with one bump....right on Jacklyn's cheek. She recovered quickly from a little spill and didn't even need Mommy kisses.
Next, we were off to drive around, eat our lunch (that I packed) and listen to a book on CD while Jacklyn sweetly drifted off to dreamland. Hmm....that one didn't work. She was awake and didn't show any signs of falling asleep. That's when my internal stress began.
Why oh why can't I just relax?? I was thinking, "Oh my! She needs to sleep. She has to sleep! We'll be in Watsonville all day and if she doesn't sleep, she'll be miserable. She'll be up all night because she'll be over tired. I'm such a bad Mommy. What was I doing, putting my hair needs above her sleeping needs?" You know what I'm sayin'....I was stressing myself out AND being mean to myself all at the same time.
The day was so beautiful and sunny. Really a perfect weather day. Why didn't I just take a nice deep breath and enjoy the sunshine? Instead, I continued on a very icky downward spiral in my head. I have a new little "job" to do at Enrichment Day and I allowed that to stress me out. Jacklyn was a cutie pie and not grumpy at all....but I allowed that to stress me out. Jeff was needing our help after school...add to the stress. I continued to self-evaluate and kept thinking, "No one else would make such a big deal about all of this. You're a light-weight. Why can't you handle this? No one else would get so stressed. Some people have real problems of their own to deal with, so don't even think about complaining!" Blah, blah, blah.
The bottom line is that I had a whole bunch (at least for me) going on yesterday and I got stressed out. Adding insult to injury....I was talking awfully mean to myself and at the end of the day had a horrible headache and had picked at my fingers until they were bleeding.
This morning I started Week 3 homework in Beth Moore's Daniel study and she talks about image-building. My goodness was I convicted! I have come to the realization that I want to be seen as much stronger than I really am. I constantly compare myself with others and, in my eyes, come up short. (I'm not just talking about my 5'2" frame.) I want to be strong. I really do. I remember telling someone recently that of all the things I've been called, I don't think "strong" has ever been one of them.
I should rejoice in that though, right? I believe I've read somewhere before that in my weakness HE is made strong. I could use a good strong dose of HIS strength today!! I also need to realize that I have a very real enemy who wants to thwart any and all plans that my Loving and Strong Father has for me. When I say that I was talking mean to myself....I have a hunch I didn't just come up with those thoughts on my own. Boy, if you could've heard me...it was really pathetic. I was a walking defeated woman and wouldn't take even a second to grab someone and ask for prayer. (I want to *look* strong, remember?)
I am so blessed, though. I found out later that my sweet friends who were in Bible study, even prayed for me. Praise God for that. I certainly needed it. And I still do. So, if you took the time to read this....pray for me, please. I'm weak and I admit it. In fact, I'm glad to say it....because I am in great need of HIM and His strength!

motherhood

2008-09-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

It really is interesting to talk with a variety of moms.
I had a discussion the other day with several ladies who were in different seasons of their motherhood. We're talking kids of varying ages, interests and abilities. Yet, each mom had one thing in common: the hope that they were doing it right.
Questions that are common with us moms are, "Am I doing the right thing for their education?" "Is it too much?" "Is it too little?" "What about recreational activities?" "Is this my child's natural gift?" "Should I foster this more?" "Are we too busy?" "How can I ensure that I'm nurturing my child enough to become the person they are intended to be?" "Am I too hands on?" "Am I too hands off?" "What will they be like when they grow up?" "Should they really be exposed to ALL of my flaws...day in and day out?" ...I'm sure you get the gist. I could go on and on. You probably could, too.
Some of those questions are a direct result of us comparing ourselves to others. That is a very dangerous thing to do. How hard to avoid that, though, in such a competitive culture!
As women, we need to support each other, encourage each other and inspire one another to great things. I like to check out other people's blogs. I can get off the computer feeling like a real loser because I'm not as crafty or as patient or as amazing as these people appear....but I needn't do that to myself. The same fears, worries and insecurities I face are most likely the same that every mom faces.
We all want to be the best we can be....as women, as wives and as mothers. We are not perfect and will have times when we come up short. At least short of our own expectations or desires.
A little song made famous by the one and only High School Musical is going through my head right now. "We're all in this together." It's true. I love the support network among moms that is available. I enjoy the knowing smile I get from another Mom when my 1 year old is running amuck at the local book store. It does help to know that we have each other. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and stop worrying if we'll do it perfect or not. We won't. But....the end result will be some incredible children that know how loved and valued they are. I guess that really is the goal after all, isn't it?

choosing joy

2008-09-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

Some days are just hard. I think the more I try to control and the less I bow my knee the harder the day!! Makes sense, doesn't it? So today, I choose joy. I'm surrendering every part of who I am and certainly every second of my future into my Loving Father's hands. He is aware of when, what, how and why.....He doesn't need my help in figuring anything out. I just get all worked up and it doesn't do anybody any good....especially my poor kids who are stuck with me all day.

I'm so grateful that His mercies are new every morning!! I'm also thankful I woke up before anyone else today and can leave this at His feet and move forward. What a mighty God we serve!!

we did it!

2008-09-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

NO MORE TEARS at naptime today!!!
not a single one.
yippeee!!

Now, to try it for bedtime.
Eventually.

Not quite ready to tackle that one yet.
I'm so happy!!

love...revisited

2008-09-10T11:30:00.000-07:00

My sister Michelle inspired me the other day. She pulled out her old Beth Moore Bible Study, Living Beyond Yourself. It was a study she hadn't finished a while ago and she decided to pick up where she left off. Well, wouldn't you know it? It was EXACTLY, I mean really....exactly....what she needed for the moment.

I, too, have done that study. I, too, left some gaps in the book, where I never completed my homework. So, I picked it up the other day and....I bet you can finish my sentence! It was exactly what I needed...and currently need! I was in the love chapter. I had done everything except for day 5. Beth talks about our old friend agape. **Remember my post a while ago on love?....if not, you can find it. I don't remember how to link an old post at the moment....I'll have to figure that out later. (sorry!)** Anyway, she tells us that agape is demonstrative. More than simply saying "I love you." More than mere words....love is action...as in, "And God demonstrated His own love for us.....in sending Jesus to die on the cross for our sins" (okay, loosely translated, but you get the jist.)

WORDS tend to be a pretty big deal to me. In The Five Love Languages speak, I'm totally a "words of affirmation" girl! Beth's words reminded me, however, that "words" aren't everyone's thing. My husband is totally "acts of service." (Even though he hates to be labeled!) I need to remember that. Maybe I want to write him a note to tell him that I love him. He'd like it, but perhaps making him a lunch for work (and then putting said note in there) would demonstrate my love more clearly to him.

How do you demonstrate love to those around you? I'm sure there are some great ideas out there....from all 3 of you who read this :)....so, please feel free to share. I'm working on being more demonstrative with my love and I need help!

8 seconds

2008-09-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

sounds like rodeo, doesn't it?
you know...the cowboys have to
stay on the bucking bronco
for 8 seconds.
Guess what?
My girlie fussed, not even really
a full blown cry,
for a mere 8 seconds today.
what a miracle!
i am thrilled.
had to share it with you!